Sprouts

Sprouting!

2010-05-26T01:47:00.003-05:00

My lettuce seeds have begun to sprout! its quite exciting, but I can't say I've done much work. In fact, God has done most of the work for me as the rain and sun have been taking turns appearing. However, I only go visit my garden once a a day at most. I kinda forgot about it over the weekend, and as a result, my basil plant pretty much died. I know gardening has many parallels with life, but the current one God is challenging me with is prayer. The way I gardening is very much like my prayer life. long story short, I pretty much don't care about it. I don't make any special effort to set aside time to pray. well, not constantly of course. However, with the help of my cousin Roger and Jaeson Ma's blog, I am reminded once again the importance of prayer. I think praying can feel like staring at a plant grow all day... it feels like its gunna take forever to see some result, but after a week or a month, there will be a big difference. maybe a sprout will show, maybe a fruit will bear. but the process takes patience, dedication, and... trust. Praying is loving.

I had many other things in mind, but thats all I can think of for now. OH! I watched Julie and Julia two days ago. I LOVED IT! ill talk more bout it next time.

Spring Break

2010-05-17T00:32:00.002-05:00

Spring break started off bad, but ended great! I spent many nights up... (confessions) watching Taiwanese dramas. >.< For those that are wondering which ones, they're Down With Love and Autumn Concerto. I became a big fan of the actors in those shows: Ella Chen from S.H.E (Taiwanese girl singing group) and Vanness Wu (who's an out-spoken Christian and Taiwanese American). I began to really miss Taiwan watching those shows. I also found myself wondering "what if I was like all the ABT (American born Taiwanese) celebrities that go back to Taiwan and become famous? That'd be awesome!" I dont think I can pull off singing, but dancing i can do! It was fun thinking about it, but it was all very self centered. none of that daydreaming had glorifying God in mind. Through this daydreaming, however, two things dawned on me: 1.) Why I am Taiwanese American and 2.) Why I am a Christian.

1.) In watching the Taiwanese dramas, I realized there were many Taiwanese jokes that no matter how good of a job the translators of mysoju.com does, non-taiwanese people just won't understand. Similarly, there are Korean jokes, phrases, sayings, that I'll just never be able to understand in Korean dramas. But, in any case, I felt unique as a Taiwanese American to be able to understand the subtle humour of the Taiwanese drama. Also, a movie called Formosa Betrayed came out during break. The movie was heavily supported by the Taiwanese community across America. My friend, Jon Lee, was the associate producer of the film, which starred James Van Der Beek (better known as Dawson) and Will Tiao (also producer and writer). The film is a political thriller that examines the history behind the tension between China and Taiwan, and China-Taiwan-US relations. It's really interesting. I dont have the time to go into it right now, but yall just gotta go see it. I can more confidently say I am Taiwanese American, and not Chinese. However, it's hard to say that without that background voice saying "and therefore I am better." That's still something I need to fight against. This issue will come up in the future I'm sure.

2.) Staying up to 4, 5,6 am on some nights watching the dramas made me feel sick the next day. not literally, but knowing that I had wasted my life. Mysoju.com admits to "feed your drama addiction." and that's exactly what I felt like, a drama addict. I was chained by it, I couldn't keep myself from not watching. I'm not saying that watching dramas is always bad. But for me, given the time and other circumstances, I was sinning. I was not living for the purposes of God. I was consumed in my own desires, not willing to let it go. Consumed in fantasy, even daydreaming about the episodes I had watched the next day, scenes that interrupt even my prayer times to God. In that, Satan really used it to distract me from God, my family, and my schoolwork. When that starts happening, I knew I wasn't glorifying God, nor living purposefully for Him. What finally saved me from this addiction? Kingdom perspective. I visited my old church this past Sunday and I was really convicted by Hans' message during (and after) service, and Irene's Sunday school lesson. I'm ALWAYS encouraged by them whenever I go back to visit. they're just one of those ppl you wanna be around cuz... you learned from them, their words, their actions, everything about them, you know they're trying to live for God, and they're attempt to live for God in everyway (their marraige, raising Emeth, serving at church, finishing school) is so beautiful. In a few sentences, the message was about living for the kingdom of Heaven. I tried to explain this in a non-Christiany lingo to a friend today, but it was realllly hard. So I'll try again here. Living for the Kingdom of Heaven means, in simpler terms, living for Jesus! haha. Let me explain.... next time!

Sowing the Seeds

2010-05-15T23:34:00.004-05:00

First of all, I just wanna say I'm in awe of how Jaeson Ma is able to blog everyday despite his busy schedule JUST to bless those reading it. Also, how Van Ness Wu is able to remain humble and grateful for everything in his life despite his fame and fortunes, and how he's witnessing for Jesus even to his fellow singers and actors in the entertainment industry AND how he's able to also blog at least a few times a month to bless his fans. Also, how Irene, and recently Hans, are blogging truth and light for others as they share about their lives. All of them are my inspiration to blog once a week this summer.

Now onto my main entry...

I started a garden in my backyard last week. It's not very big, but it's my first time gardening so it's enough for me. The reason I wanted to start a garden this year is because I had a crazy idea one night to start a garden on the West Side of Chicago because that area is known as the "food desert" because the communities in that area have little access to fresh produce. I strongly believe that eating healthy is an important investment to obtain a healthier and happier life style. I decided to be a nutrition major this year because the topic of food is just SO interesting! We all know everybody loves food, especially me. But aside from personal preference, there's so many cultural and social-economic aspects to what kinds of food people have access to or buy. Food is an intersect for all sorts of subjects like biology, chemistry, anatomy, social dynamics, psychology, economy, politics (lots more than most people think), business, and well... pretty much all aspects of human life.

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering how I can serve people by being a dietitian. I think more that telling people what they can and cannot eat, I want to just walk along side people, to encourage them to be the best they can be, to be the best they were meant to be, to be the best they were created to be. Being a dietitian isn't just helping people get physically right, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. Many people are anorexic or obese because they struggle with deeper psychological or emotional issues. Not even in those extremes, people struggle with they're weight just for various reasons and sometimes they just need a lil help or encouragement. I especially want to work with low-income families. Obesity is highest amongst those living under low income for many many reason. One of which includes the whole flip in the American diet as government-substidized corn have made everything containing high-fructose corn syrup cheaper than ever. Watch Food, inc. if you get the chance. You'll know what I'm talking about more. It also pains me to know so many inner City kids don't even know how to distinguish a tomato from broccoli! They know what fries are, but they don't know what a potato looks like. They know ketchup, but never knew they were made from tomatoes. what is this world coming to???

I think the only thing that's still holding me back from being overly excited about nutrition is the fact they I know I have to change myself first. I have to make some life style changes if I want to tell others what to do. what works and what doesn't. I can't advice others to do something I've never done before. It's like what they tell the leaders at my church (HMCC), you gotta experience it first in order for you to lead your life group members to experience it. That means praying, doing QTs, surrendering, confessing, repenting, sacrificing, loving, caring, etc. That's the hardest part of being a leader. So often times I'm a hypocrite, just like the Pharisees. Tellin' other what to do when I don't do it myself. This is what I fear the most becoming a dietitian. no let me correct that. I don't fear it. I don't fear having to change myself. I don't fear dying to myself. because I know God'll change me for the better. but it's just haaaaaard changing. I dread it. I put it off. Yes, I put off repenting. I considered doing that tonight actually. But now that I said it here, I can't anymore =P

God transform the world. transform me first.
God break the world. break me first.

This is my prayer for myself this summer. That I'd experience transformation and breakage. Please pray for me and keep me accountable.

My prayer for others... (join me if you'd like)
- my Mom and Dad's relationship
- Carrie, for love and patience for her students
- for my aunt to find hope in life through Jesus
- for Irene and Hans, to have a smooth delivery and happy arrival for their second son sometime soon
- for my LG, to keep following Jesus
- for PJ and Grace, to find a lil time to rest this summer

Hopefully by mid-summer, the seeds will start to sprout and even bear fruit, in my life and in my garden! and then hopefully my fruits and veggies will be able to bless others!

People. Conversations. Thoughts.

2010-01-27T01:56:00.004-06:00

The first week of Feb. I met up so many people it was ridiculous. But somehow God provided the exact encouragements I needed in the moment of doubt. Here were some conversations and thoughts I had with people with few words summaries of what they were about. This is more for me to remember than for others to understand... cuz people most likely wont ;)

Jan. 29 -Feb. 3, 2010

Fri.: Joey and Aaron "Patience. You're laying the foundation."

Sat.: Grace "Let go and let God. It'll be ok."

Sun.: Joanna "It's ok to doubt. God can handle it."

Mon.: Sophia "Karaoke.", Kristel "learning to think.", Minhee & PJ "Be faithful to the people God's brought.", Inhae "The church is Christ's bride.", Jeka "Pray.", Lauren "sing."

Tues.: Coco "Obama can't try to solve everything, just a few things at a time or nothing will ever get accomplished." & Florida "People can make a difference.", Adoara "training to be a discipler", Aran & Tia "What is so great about God' grace? LG seems like an obligation.", Primo "We are one. We are a family.", Minhee "God loves you. He's soooo good to you." (phone)

Wed.: Roger "When ppl doubt, I ain't worried. God is still gunna be God. That's the truth."

Unexpected Awesomeness

2010-01-27T01:45:00.003-06:00

As I was folding my clothes in the laundry room, I felt the urge to talk to the girl standing next to me. The room was silent because all the machines had stopped, and we were alone. I didn't know how to start the conversation, so I did what I always do in silent/awkward situations: sing. I started to hum "Lean on Me" and before I knew it, the girl next to me started humming along! We added in the words and even harmonized! We felt a instant connection through music and it felt oddly natural, as in not awkward at all! Afterwards, we shook hands and exchanged names, info about our majors, dorm floor, etc. I'm thankful to have found a new friend, and now giving me motivation to wash my clothes more often.

"Home Is Where the Heart Is" Reflection

2010-01-24T01:57:00.005-06:00

***please read "Home Is Where the Heart" poem in the prior entry first***

If people last year asked me where I thought my home was, I probably would have answered in the west suburbs of Downers Grove without hesitation. However, I consider Chicago as my home more and more now at my second year here at UIC. I wouldn’t say I’m a “true” Chicagoan, but I’m getting there; I want to get there (my definition of a “true” Chicagoan will be explained later). The reason for this change is because the City is now the environment surrounding me that is affecting me, shaping me, and changing my perspective about life, the world, society, and even my own identity.

Having established that my home is now in Chicago, I began to ask myself how I felt and thought about the City. One of the first things I felt was fear and anger as I thought about the City’s corruption, segregation, violence, injustice, and racism. A big part of UIC’s education in the Liberal arts and Science department is learning about the social problems in our society, and living in the City allows us as students to see these problems if we choose to. These thoughts got me really confused because… why would I want Chicago to be my home if this was how I felt about it. I started to think about racial segregation that’s seen so starkly in Chicago neighborhoods and reflected on UIC’s campus although it is one of the most diverse campuses in the US, but one of the most divided. For the most part, from my observation, Asians stick with Asians, Blacks stick with Blacks, Indians with Indians, and so forth. One would think that there would be a lot of opportunities of interracial mingling at such a diverse university, but it’s not happening, at least not to the extent that UIC has the potential to do.

Then, I started to think about all the prejudice and stereotypes people, including myself, have put on one another. I began to write about all the prejudice thoughts I’ve had about each racial group and even collected some ideas from my friends. When I wrote them all down, I got even more scared. But this time, I got scared of myself and how I had thought these things and even believed them at times. I thought about times I’ve walked to the other side of the street when I saw a black man walking toward me at night. Or when I thought Indians and Pakistanis were all mean, selfish, and inconsiderate people because I didn’t like this one Indian girl in my class. So, I really began to question, “Can I consider Chicago my home when I can’t even accept all the different types of people around me? Chicago is such a diverse City, how will I survive with these kinds of thought? Where did these kinds of thought even come from?”

This was when I began to think about the home I grew up in, and how my home during my adolescent years shaped my thinking and attitude about life and about other people. I originally wanted to blame my safe, sheltered environment in the suburbs for not exposing me to the violence, economic injustice, and what not that are more clearly seen in the City. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized those are all excuses. My high school was pretty diverse compared to other high schools around my town. I was educated about social injustice and racism from the books I read and discussions with friends. So again, where did my prejudice come from? I wanted to point the fingers at my parents because all parents have a great influence on how a child thinks during their developmental stages. My parents, both Taiwanese, had prejudice against the Chinese and Indians. Many discussions at the dinner table were about how cheap Indian and Chinese people are when I was growing up. However, I knew they were biased and ignorant because they hardly interacted with Indians and rarely tried to get to know any Chinese. So, my questions still stood. What is the root of my misconceptions?

I finally realized that these thoughts were rooted in my own, pride-ridden heart. I don’t mean to put these labels on people, but I realized living in the City, those thoughts just kind of pop up in my mind. Sometimes, when I walk pass a black person, I think, “don’t think they’re bad or stupid people.” But the fact that I have to remind myself to NOT think that way shows me that I AM thinking that way. I find myself suppressing my prejudice when I ride in the CTA and even in class, consistently reminding myself that I am no better, no smarter than other people. I hope there will come a day when I’ll be humble enough that I won’t have these thoughts about other people. In fact, I constantly ask God fix my heart to give me a heart of humility like Jesus’.

With all that said, the phrase “home is where the heart is” is pretty abstract. It kind of evolved as I was writing my poem from home as an environment to where my literal heart was. Home “as an environment” is where the heart is because, whether we like it or not, we have some sort of connection to the environment we grow up in. This gives us that “homesickness” we feel sometimes. A bit of ourselves, a bit of our hearts stay with the places we grow up in. In another sense, home is where the heart is because what I think and what I say is often a clear a reflection of my heart motives. So, my heart motives itself creates an environment that I can also call my home. It sometimes ain’t a pretty place, but Jesus is fixing it one day at a time.

Back to what I mentioned earlier about what it means to be a true Chicagoan, I believe a “true” Chicagoan is someone who really has a heart for Chicago; one who is really aware and actually cares about what’s going on, and one who is determined to make a difference. Someone could have grown up in Chicago all their lives and not be a “true” Chicagoan because they don’t give a crap about issues that are affecting people everyday. I think this is true for any town or city. Therefore, this is why I say Chicago is becoming my home: I am growing a bigger heart for my City, my home.

(Note: this was an assignment for my Asian American Literature seminar)

Home is Where the Heart is

2010-01-24T01:43:00.004-06:00

Walkin down the streets

Of Chi-Town City

To the left, to the right

All these different people around me

Which got me thinkin

Is Chi-Town really now my home to be?

Cuz you see

I have all these cultural prejudice

I fear myself cuz

I don’t even know how I came to this

I fear robbers, dealers, rapists, and killers

Poppin up in allies, in crime alerts

To no one’s surprise 95% reported are black

Then I start to think

Damn those perpetrators

Fillin up statistics to prove it’s explicit

The problem of the city has a color.

And it’s black

Home is where the heart is

Damn, how did I come thinking this?

Home is where the heart is

Who can save a sick heart like this?

Most people won’t even admit

But they too have thought it:

Blacks from the South

Pollutin’ our City with violence

Givin’ us fame as the number one state

In highest number of murders in the U.S.A.

Browns are cheap, and yes, they do cheat

Doin’ American jobs all the way from India

Managing Dunkin Donuts, Subways

Speak English, I can’t understand ya!

Yellows are all smart and nerdy

They always squinty cuz their eyes so chinky

Over-populating our suburbs cities

With extensive exclusivity

Latinos, all illegals

Ship ‘em back!

unless they good at mowing the lawn

or makin’ cheap clothes

Whites… (I had a harder time with this one)

Stupid blondes, stupid jocks

Privileged and unappreciative

Drunk hillbillies rednecks

Whites, yes, they’re the racists

STOP! That’s enough!

It’s time to reexamine

The roots of these misconceptions

Seeded in my home that manifests these perceptions

Home is where the heart is

My heart don’t wanna deal with this

Home is where the heart is

Shute, I don’t even know where my heart is!

You see, home ain’t a set location

It’s an environment we were raised up in

An environment that shapes our identity

Affects our thinking about our humanity

What we believe, how we perceive,

Why we act the way we do

It also shapes our attitudes

In an environment there are people

Parents, siblings, neighbors

Friends, teachers, pastors

Inspiring us, corrupting us

Into extraordinary or messed up people

In an environment there are spaces

Single houses with pools enclosed by fences

Lakefront Condos in Five Star High rises

Or trailer parks, cheap motels

Low-class apartments with cracked up stairwells

Temporary, packed-in, no room for luxury

What about…

Parks, schools with playgrounds and fields

Or gang infested lots, big guns, but no shields

Hmm…

Artopolus, Italian Village, Joyee’s, and Bennigan’s

Or McDonald’s, Burger King,

Only a dollar per person

These places create spaces

That make the environment we’re raised up in

Home is where the heart is

My heart was safe, like the ones enclosed by fences

Home is where the heart is

My heart was free, to play in the park

Without a worry for gang-affiliated violence

I grew up in a suburb

A quiet place of comfort

My high school was pretty diverse

I had friends of all different colors

Yes, there were still divisions

Assorted degrees of animosity

Within the student body

But nothing like what I see in the City

Chicago is Great!

One of the most diverse cities

The reason I came to UIC instead of Champaign

But it’s also one of the most segregated

Economically, racially

Extreme visibility

CTA transportation shows clear this city’s condition

Majority used by minorities

Charged even more for the City’s deficiencies

Further increasing economic inequality

Continuation, the history of segregation

This is Chi-City’s sick condition

Like the minds of many of its citizens

Stereotypes, prejudice

Never thought I was a racist

So why did I take in those deceptions?

Even unconsciously, unwillingly

Start believing them at times

When I came to the city

They popped up even more frequently in my mind

I can blame my environment

People, my parents

But ultimately…

Home is where the heart is

My heart, the seeds of these misconceptions

My heart, sickened with pride

Taking in lies

Constantly fed with non-sense information

My heart, stained by iniquity

This is the state of humanity

Home is where the heart is

Who can save a sick heart like this?

The answer is Jesus.

It's ALL about Jesus

2009-11-10T23:54:00.008-06:00

It's been a while since my last post. but i've actually started 3 posts since then, but havent finished any of them. It takes me too long and i just give up after attempting to write my thoughts down after 2 hrs, yet producing only one paragraph. I hate it. I wish i was better with my words. I wish i was good at rhyming and writing lyrics that Lauren Hill. I wanna rap. I wanna do Spoken Word. I wanna dance and play the djembe. just need time and practice i guess... and a djembe.

Poem inspired by Seda...

These Clothes on My Back (part 1)

these clothes on my back
hidin the shame, the guilt, the pain
underneath these fig leaves, bare with fear
attempting to hide, even to lie, to deny
the one and only Creator, my Savior

I wear my confession
needing Independence, my misconception
this rag remindin me
this was not how I was meant to be

I dont deserve to wear no other
than these rags, marked by scarlet letter
remindin me, I am a sinner!
symbolized by these clothes on my back

God's been reminding me that I'm not as I think I am. I did not choose Jesus. but he chose me. nothing about me deserves forgiveness. deserves acceptance. deserves rewards. God doesnt owe me anything. Often i forget this because after being a Christian for a while, I start thinking "look God! I'm growing in my faith, I'm learning about you, I'm reading the Bible and praying, I'm serving in the church and trying to love your people, you gotta bless me a lil. you gotta show yourself to me, cuz you know.. i'm.. i'm seeking after you, i'm depending on you. So, God, you gotta do this for me, you gotta do this for my Life Group, you gotta do this and that in our church." Now there's no problem with asking for God to work in people's hearts or bless others and myself. But on what bases? Is it to glorify God or is it because I "did" something for God? my attitude has been more along the lines of the latter, that God owes me something because I gave my life to Him. Writing it out now just makes it sound even more ridiculous. I'm the one that owe God MY life because HE gave HIS life for me. It's a payment I'll never be able to come up with no matter what I do "for him." This is what God's been reminding me with "these clothes on my back."

My youth director's wife has been posting up blogs titled "the necessity of clothing." All I gotta say is... it's all about Jesus. the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the songs we sing, the homework we do, the community we try to build, the longs drives to Evanston, the 6:30am morning prayer, the 7:30pm prayer, the games we played at H-Games, the relationships we invest in.... it's ALLLL about Jesus. it's hard to explain, but when things are put in that perspective, all of those things listed above gains SO much more significance. P. Seth spoke about God's sovereignty last Sunday. and again, it's all about Jesus, God's ultimate glory. I've been reading through the book of John and this passage is from John 17:1-5...

"Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. 2For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. 3Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 4I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. 5And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."

I think Jesus is talking something about his glory if i'm reading correctly. actually in ch. 16 and throughout 17, Jesus talks about God's glory given to Jesus, and how Jesus give His glory to His disciples.

DANG! even as I'm typing this right now the song "Shine" by Matt Redman is playing on Pandora! with lyrics:

We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory."

even as we shared out testimonies this week at LIFE Group, I give him glory for being faithful and sovereign in each of our lives and bringing us all together in the CMW lounge on a Wednesday.

aight. my 2 hrs has passed. I'm goin out for a walk in da city! peace.

a bridge, I am

2009-10-25T01:53:00.007-05:00

I really dont know what this entry is going to be on. i just wanted to write cuz there's a lot on my mind. no time to sort em out. So i apologise before hand for any unclearity.

ride back home was silent
so awkward between my parents
I sat in the back with realization
that I just came home to this messed-up situation

at dinner my dad ate silently
my mom talked unendingly
about what she thinks she knows about Christianity
occasionally, dad jumping in with assumptions and generalizations. futility
often times i have to correct her, correct him
but even more times, I am the bridge between them

a bridge, I am
as i sat between them on the couch
a bridge, I am
as they talked indirectly talk to each other by talking to me
a bridge, I am
after a fight, they just want someone to understand
although they themselves really don't

There are other things in mind too: retreat (still working on that blog), church community, LCG, sins, ninja (the game), pride, loving people, not-caring about people, nutrition, TAF Chicago, my sister.

I told myself I want my blog to be a blessing for other ppl rather than ranting about my own life. but..... maybe next time.

For Me

2009-05-22T00:59:00.002-05:00

To tell you the truth, I was gunna to give up bloggin cuz i wasn't gettin any comments for a while. I thought, what's the point if ppl aren't reading? and if they ARE reading, why write if they don't care enough to leave a comment? selfish. i know. but that's just kinda how i am when it comes to blogging. If ppl aint gunna care for it, i'd rather just write in my journal. BUT I think i should do this for me... i guess. it might help me sort out my thoughts through out the yr. or just take up more of my time. still deciding tho...

randoms:

"I guess" has been my favorite phrase these past few days.

I was at a Grace's memorial and and Jeff's mom's funeral this past weekend, and i just can't help but to think about my own death. I'm not being morbid or wutever. but just kinda fun to think about. I really hope there will be a celebration at my memorial, too. with people dancing, jumpin up and down, and singing their hearts out. I'd wanna hear people sing Israel Houghton's "Rejoice!" song at my memorial/funeral while im up there with Jesus. I love that song!

I finally rode?/rid?/past-tense-of-ride? on my scooter around campus today. i love it! it's kinda ghetto cuz the handles are slippin off and its rusty. but it gets me places 3x as fast and is easier to maneuver than a skateboard. except i cant figure out how to fold it. wutever, its fun to be on wheels =) sorry, Inhae ;P

i reallllly want a djeme, or just ANY percussion instrument to play on. Oh dear drums, when will we finally meet??

poems, lyrical, and spoken word? i wanna learn. I love Lauryn Hill. keep writin poems Minhee!

Family... Jesus answers prayers. but still SO MUCH more work to be done. quick update: my parents got into a huge fight last saturday. didnt want to talk to each other, talk about giving up. My Uncle who's been trying to help them communicate came back from Houston called yesterday, told me he's gunna keep helping and encouraging me to support my parents. He went over to my house yesterday and sat down with both of em apparently. I got a call last night from my dad in tears telling me that things are gunna be ok. They talked it out and they're gunna keep trying to mend their relationship. My mom was in tears, too. and so was my uncle. So I have no idea what went down, but I know it's God's mercy and grace every step forward they take. Thank you Lord for providing my Uncle to help share the burden. and thank you for all the people that kept my family and I in their prayers. and for brothers and sisters that are comforting me and encouraging me along the way.

Old School Tunes

2009-04-20T05:03:00.002-05:00

Bobby Darin: silly man, legendary

I miss old school tunes man. they're so fun and simple, and lively. Singers back then could improvise on the spot, mess up their own songs to have fun a lil. unlike songs ppl sing written by others now a days and leaving no room for improv even if they do write their own songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvBtE_Rheho&feature=related

enjoy!

This is Our God

2009-04-20T01:54:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwfHkZOU1_o&feature=PlayList&p=73C72770FBFCD9E7&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=40

Amen.

Emotionally Drained

2009-04-19T23:03:00.009-05:00

first thing in the morning i get a call from my sister at 7:30am about family issues, 8am susan calls me and starts telling me wuts been going on, all afternoon talking, praying, listening to susan, now talked for an hour with my dad, and i still gotta write this paper.... im SO drained emotionally.... i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.

not only that, but its been such a roller coaster emotionally. even today. starting the day crying from talking to my sister, hurting for susan. then going to Cityserve, super excited to serve and talk to the women there. instead, i was talking to susan, and hurting even more for her because of wut she's going through. For dinner, i was SUPER excited going out to eat at Sushi parra with yoonsun, peter, minhee, and tia. Then coming back to my dorm, balling as i was talking to my dad. I'm just emotionally drained from today. i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.

God HATES Divorce

2009-04-18T23:46:00.005-05:00

What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate, Part 1
Sermon by John Piper

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/135/2209_What_God_Has_Joined_Together_Let_Not_Man_Separate_Part_1/

Mark 10:1-12

The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved.

Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.

FAIL. Mercy. Grace. Thanks.

2009-04-17T01:32:00.002-05:00

I just wanna give some quick THANK YOUs to people who brightened my FAIL day even more than the sun did.

Thanks Carrie, for being my older sister. for realz.

Thanks Inhae, for staying up with me and trying to help me when I was super frustrated. seriously, thanks for being there. I'm afraid you'll have to put with more of this next year! ;)

Thanks Minhee, for giving me a hug in the morning. It gave me strength to face my teacher and reassured me things would be alright.

Thanks Stella, for the quick lunch and 5 minute convo.

Thanks Tia, for the quick hug. I love hugs!... well, at least from people I know.. preferably. haha....

Thanks PETER!! for letting me ride your long board and telling me to kick off my heels to skate around. seriously, that made my day! you have no idea. It was quite liberating.

Thanks Yoon Sun, for asking how I was doing. funnily, when you asked me that, I felt really cared for. ^__^

Thanks Min Hee, for getting me to run around outside because you LIED to me! hehe. I'm just playin'. it was fun.

Thanks Hyun Seo, for... being you.

I felt like a failure today. I pretty much was cuz I no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't write my paper due today. I ended up writing an email to my teacher to ask for an extension. The first thing she said to me in class was to stop worrying. I think she could see my frustration and tiredness on my face. but ya, I started to tear up after she said that. its silly, i know. but i couldnt help it. My fate was in her hands. I knew I didnt deserve an extension. I knew what I deserved was an F. Yet, she was so nice about it. She said she'd work with me to get through this. I dont deserve it. I'm a failure. All I could depend on was mercy and grace. sound familiar?

Thanks God, for this illustration of your mercy to me today, and the ULTIMATE grace through Jesus Christ.

Oh Happy Day

2009-04-12T21:59:00.002-05:00

Christ has risen INDEED! Now that lent is over, I'm back! well, sorta, I'm still too lazy to update my blog all the time, but I have AWESOME news that I just HAVE TO share about!

I went home last night, sorta last minute, but I felt like I needed to go home cuz during Good Friday Service at NU, I felt an enormous amount of sadness as P. Jimmy was praying for me and my family knowing that my dad was going to be home alone during Easter. even more so knowing that He hasn't accepted Christ as his Lord. As many of you know, there's some issues between my parents marriage that been rising up. it's been quite a roller coaster ride of emotions. I really have no idea what to do or say to my dad, but all i know is that he needs people in his life to point him toward Jesus, and I'm probably the closest person to him right now to do that. that's why I felt like I needed tobe home, especially in light of Easter.

I got home around 9:30pm, Dad picked me up, went home, and within 30minutes, my dad cooks up a feast: fish, pork chop, tofu, vegies, and miso soup. We talked... about a lot of things. But mainly, I encouraged him to turn to God in this time alone just as my mom has been turning to God and reading the bible and praying. He just said, yeah, I know I should. THEN, my dad and I called my mom and sister via Skype last night, and my parents saw each other for the first time since last september! I won't lie, it was kinda awkward. my parents don't know how to talk to each other, as weird as that sounds, they really don't. my sister talked about her job for the most part. but my mom and dad didnt really talk to each other. oh well. i was still happy.

So all this was saturday night. Come Sunday morning, I got an email from my sister telling me that MY MOM GOT BAPTIZED!!!!!!!! My mom didnt tell my sister either until sunday morning cuz she wanted for it to be a surprise. but she had been thinking about it for a while now apparently. but PRAISE GOD!!!! THEN... Dad and I went to church at CCMC! this wasn't the first time he's gone to CCMC, but today was the first time he stayed afterwards for lunch and talked to people! haha, this is very exciting for me (as little as it may be) cuz he REALLY needs a community right now. he needs some friends. he's lonely. better yet, he needs a Christian community to point him to Jesus. Hopefully he was able to make some connections through that. It was kinda hard to get him to go. He wanted to leave after service, but I really had to encourage him to go eat with people. haha, YAY! Success!!

So, my Easter morning started super well and it ended that way too as I celebrated Easter with my church family at HMCC. I went to Yoonsun's where they were cooking potatoes and corn. I didnt do much cuz I got there late. but Min Hee straightened my hair (it made me look 10x older! jk, maybe like a few yrs older). and then Stella and I went around CMW again inviting ppl out to service. no one came, but it was good letting ppl know there's a church on campus. THEN, came the Partay!! Easter Celebration was Awesome! It was really cool to see new faces: Susan, Tito, Aran, LJ, Angelo, Tess, Josh, Mike, Dan, Phelix, Matt. and all the HELPS ppl came too: Christy, Levina, David. Afterwards, we ate dinner at TBH. it was a great time of fellowship. a Happy Day indeed.

Prayer Requests

2009-03-14T19:21:00.004-05:00

I said I wouldn't blog anymore during lent, but this one isn't for me, but for some friends I've been reaching out to. I am asking all of you who read my blog to be part of this ministry of reaching out to my two friends in particular, Susan and Luci, by praying for them and for me. I have had the privilege to be able to share the Gospel to both of them via AIM/Facebook this past year. Susan accepted Christ last week! and Luci is curious and open to learning more about Christianity. Although you guys may not be in direct contact with them, you can be a part of what God wants to do in their lives by praying for them, and for me to seize those opportunities God will continue to provide to share the love of Christ to them through whatever means. please keep in mind (i'm telling myself this) that it's not about me, but God who is working, so HE deserves ALL the glory and praise! so the next time any of you see me, don't praise me for sharing the Gospel, it feeds my pride (which is an issue I've been dealing with a lot this past week), even though it's nothing to be proud of since that's what we should be doing ALL the time. But just ask how Susan and Luci are doing and how you can pray for them. That would be more encouraging for me, knowing that you guys are praying for them.

So, here are some prayer requests for them:

Susan:
- sprititual protection as a new believer from sprititual attacks
- for doors to open for her to get connected to community at HMCC
- breaking the resistance from parents for her to go to church
- to know Jesus more as her personal Lord and Savior and realize the fulness of His love for her

Luci (list she shared with me):
- for her to come to know Christ as Lord and Savior
- dealing with self-esteem and self-image issues
- lacking motivation to do good in school and even stay in college
- hurt from her past relationship

busy. crazy. blessing.

2009-03-07T03:56:00.004-06:00

My past Wed thru Thursday:

woke up at 7-9am: finished Leviticus (half asleep... that's why it took me so long! XP)
9-10:30am: went back to bed
11-12pm: met with Juhae. ate lunch together in the Cafeteria and to catch up.
12-1pm: doing Spanish QUIA hwk with Jessica Price (Danielle's friend from Bulls game)
1-3:15pm: Susan she accepted Christ!!! after sharing the Gospel with her on different occasions, reading through the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Christ in Luke, sharing my testimony, her sharing her sins and experiences, and praying together, she came to accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior! Hallelujah! She said she felt this pressure lifted off from her after she prayed for forgiveness of her sins and for Jesus to come into her life, and she that felt a warmth inside of her that unlike anything she's experienced before for the rest of that day. Praise God! and pray for her to be connected with the HMCC community and spiritual protection!
4-5pm: Chem Lecture
5:15pm-next morning: stayed over at Minhee's. It was a crazy night. Hyung Seo unni came over too and we ate pasta, mandu, and garlic bread. we also went on a quick trip to JST for drinks and played APPLE-to-APPLE. and Hyung Seo shared this crazy story from a manga she just read with us, and we were extremely confused through the whole explanation. but its ok, we still love you Hyung Seo! I stayed up all night that night to write my HON 127 paper.
10am: went to Jamba Juice to get $1 oatmeal with Minhee and Hyung Seo
11-12pm: Prayer walk with Inhae. We prayed for SO many topics and people... I was blessed =)
12:30-1:45pm: HON 127 class
2-3pm: chilled with Jeka Ma, who was visiting UIC
3-4pm: Span 104
4-5:15pm: Soc 105. We had a guess speaker that day in class. He had experienced homelessness and he was just sharing his experience and urging us to be the generation to care and show compassion to those in need. His presentation made me wanna go into social work. hmm... we'll see.
5:30-6:30pm: Chem exam review
6:30-8:30pm-ish: shower and walked to Walgreen and Dominick's to get envelopes and stamps
9pm-friday morning: sleepover at Yoonsun's. I had another paper to write for Soc 105 and didn't want to stay in my room cuz my bed would be taunting me to curl inside my blankets and never come out. Yoonsun fed me yummy Korean snacks and Shin La Men and homemade Kimchi! =9

Friday was a crazy day too. but... maybe next time. I'm tired. why am I still up?

=P

2009-03-03T10:14:00.004-06:00

an "organ" fell out of my nose today.

verse to memorize this week:

1. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

I like this verse cuz I've been anxious about many things. I'm thankful that God promises peace. I need peace. I need Jesus.

2. "Then Jesus said to his Disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross (daily) and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." - Matthew 16:24-25

This is a daily struggle for all of us as Christians, but one that is totally worth it!

Fave Songs

2009-02-27T01:09:00.002-06:00

These 3 songs basically kept me going during rough times in high school:
1. Promise- Kapano Green (http://sherryberry224.blogspot.com/2008/10/promise.html)

2. It Is Well with My Soul- Horatio G. Spafford and Phillip P. Bliss:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, o, the joy of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Man, after reading the lyrics again, I REALLY REALLY love this song!

3. Everlasting God- New Life Worship:

One thing I know that I have found
Through all the troubles that surround
You are the Rock that never fails, You never fail

One thing I know that I believe
Through every blessing I receive
You are the only One that stays, You always stay

Chorus:
You never change, You're still the same
You are the Everlasting God
You will remain after the day is gone and the things of earth have passed
Everlasting God

I was reminded of this song after reading an entry on Emeth's blog:
"the steadfast love of the Lord never seizes. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning, new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness." =) crazy how many references there are to God's steadfast love and faithfulness through out the Bible. I used to not really like the name Emeth (sorry Hans and Irene =P), but now that I know what it means, his name will forever remind me of God's faithfulness. Thaaaaanks!!!

Walking in My Rain Boots

2009-02-26T23:34:00.008-06:00

I went for a prayer walk out in the rain this afternoon, under my umbrella, in my blue poki-dotted rain boots. I had a lot of fun! It drizzled for a few minutes, poured the next. I love my rain boots. my sister gave em to me. :) I think I've written about this before... o well. I had a lot in my mind, mostly about frienships. but I gotta say, I had a hard time praying. I've been realizing more and more of my inability to pray with words. like, not only does it not sound fluent or elegant like some other people, but its just sometimes... so bleh. "Spiritual" or "Christianly" words just don't work with me any more. They ain't comin to me lately like they used to, you know?... maybe that's a good thing. That's why I really want to learn how to pray with the Words from the Bible. One of my commitments for lent is to memorize at least 2 verses a week. It's nothing big like memorizing one verse a day, but for me it's quite significant. Also, the prayer we did during women's mentorship was REALLY awesome! I don't think I've ever prayed through a passage before. I want to do that more, too.

As I was walking around, many songs popped into my head: Message of the Cross, Amazing Grace, It is Well with My Soul, and other ones I can't remember right now. I took about 10 minutes standing on the second floor of BSB (after you go up the stairs) to stop singing, stop praying, stop walking, and to just pause and listen for God. well, I didn't hear anything from Him. I don't know what He wanted me to get out of this prayer walk. but maybe next time, eh?

Today: Saw and gave a hug to Luci and Janaan. Studied Spanish with Jessica Price. Had dinner with Beth, Jeka, and Jai. Had Women's mentorship with Life Group women. Briefly chatted with Susan on AIM.

God provides.

Help!

2009-02-25T02:07:00.006-06:00

I realized the past week I've been feeling a little weary, uneasy because I can't keep track of all the people God has placed in my life and those that He's been calling me to reach out to. there are those relationships I started in the beginning of the school year that I want to maintain, but it's hard because I'm spending a lot of time deepening those relationships within my Life Group (especially during 2nd semester). And on top of that there are those that I've just recently met that I want to share the Gospel with through building that relationship with them.

These are all the names that have been running through my mind even in just these past 3 days:
Kristine
Mike (from Nigeria)
Luci and Janaan
Amber and Grace
Dawn
Rim Pierre
Amanda G. (lab partner)
Aran (firsbee teammate)
David Dolvio and Tito
Susan Zhou
Hannah and Tia (and all the Life Group Girls)
even the Grad Life Group women (Joanna, Sandy, Danielle, and Lisa)
Evanston Freshmen
Eric Kao, Hus, Kevin
Peter and Nate
Elizabeth, Bethanie, Jeka, Jai, Gloria, Rebeccah, Sophia
my roommate Marty
Sharon Hong, Grace Yu, Juhae
Iris and Jeni
Ultimate Frisbee teammates
Sarah Kim (from ACW)
Jessica (from Bulls game) and Carline (from Spanish)

What I'm trying to say is that I need help. I feel like for a lot of the new people coming out to Life Group or visiting or wanting to visit that I'm the only connection they have. like for Susan, Luci, Janaan, Kristine, Amber, Grace, Aran, and Gisel. I have no idea how how yall can help. but maybe the next time they come out, get their number, make a harder effort to talk to them and get to know them, and help me text/call them up on Tuesday nights for LG, Friday nights for ACCESS, and Sunday celebrations. I know that they know me better, so I should be the one calling them up, and believe me, I have. But it does get a little discouraging when they keep saying "I can't" or "maybe next time." I know I need to keep trying to build that relationship, keep praying for them, and keep persisting to invite them out. I'm not feeling overwhelmed... yet. and maybe I'm just thinking about people too much. But I've had moments where I have this huge list of people in my mind and have no idea who to call or how to plan my days. I guess I should just take one day at a time, do whatever I can each day.

Reminder: it ain't about what I do either, It's ultimately God who calls His children to Him and He who initiates the relationship. He is in control!

Challenge of faith: to pray for every encounter /meeting I have with the names of people I've mentioned

God spoke to me this morning. He said, "Love others, just as I have loved you."
Love others sacrificially, with my time, money, energy.

Prayer Request: For strength and courage to continue to reach out and demonstrating a love that can only come from Christ.

My Re-Birthday

2009-02-24T23:23:00.004-06:00

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! I had a blessed day. ^__^

Something that dawned on me at prayer meeting this morning was that... I wanted to celebrate not so much my BIRTHday, but my RE-birthday. I don't know what day it was exactly when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, but how much more to celebrate on the day I found Truth and Purpose in my life. Therefore, I wanted this day to be a celebration not for my birthday, but my Re-birthday. A reminder of the day God delivered me out of darkness and into light. out of deserving punishment of my sins and into righteousness through faith in Christ. I would say that THAT day is more important and the better reason to celebrate than the day I was born.

I was so blessed to be able to share this day with my community of brothers and sister in Life Group, praising God together and worshipping Him for who He is and what He has done for us. This was the best way I could've wished for to spend the night. I pray that every Feb. 24, for the rest of my life here on earth, I would remember the Cross and Praise God for my Re-birthday.

Monday Morning 2/23/09

2009-02-23T12:38:00.003-06:00

These two songs/lyrics came to me as I was praying this morning:

"All of life comes down to just one thing, that's to know You, O Jesus, and make you known."

biblical? I think so? and...

"Send revival, start with me."

humbling.

The Best is Yet to Come

2009-02-20T03:27:00.007-06:00

You've shown Your love in a mysterious way
on a very random, seemingly-unspecial day
in a way I still don't fully understand
and definitely not according to what I had planned

I'm at lost for words to explain what's inside me for real
because I don't know how I am to feel
cuz even when I've revealed my sin to someone
does that mean the fight is done? Have I won?

In this instance, yes.
the battle in my mind, to share or not to share, yet...
the fight is not done done.
cuz only for this One instance, this One battle was won.

There will be many more Mind battles to come still,
especially when I'm alone, in the dark, unseen to others, with some time to kill
That's when those thoughts crawl in and grab hold of my heel.
Not even so.
cuz even when I'm around others, they don't know what's going on inside my head.
God, I hope they never will cuz If they do, I'd be dead
from my own shame, and drowning in my guilt while laying in my bed.

But you know what,
I'm glad I've shared cuz this burden is SO much lighter
Just as You've said, Confess your sins to one another and Pray for one another
So what?! SO THAT YOU MAY BE HEALED!!!

What more can I say now, but praise be to God!
for His light overcomes darkness
He draws near to us in our times of brokenness.
He is our hope, in our desparity
He is our rock, in our uncertainty.
We can never stray too far out of His sight.
AWAY from here, Satan! you have no place in the light!

Thank You, Lord, for this random, seemingly-unspecial, blessed, tearful, and joyous night. Amen.

Prayer Walk

2009-02-19T01:10:00.002-06:00

Minnie and I went on a prayer walk today for our LCG even though it was windy and cold outside. I must have walked around campus at least 3 times. haha. The cool part was we ran into a lot of our Life Group members: Inhae, Hyung Seo, Peter, and Jay. We prayed for each person that we saw, plus Hannah and Jennifer, for ACW, for an awakening for this campus, breaking down of divisions, for broomball and ppl we know who are coming by name, learning to be a living sacrifice in our daily decisions, our LCG, for the Grad Life Group, HMCC leaders, school's admins for wisdom and direction, for us to dream bigger, to see more of God's vision for this campus and his ppl, for our hearts to break when we see the homeless or just the brokeness of this world and not become numb to them, .... i know there was more, but I can't remember =P Minnie, help!

One thing I realized during the prayer walk was that I kept looking down at the ground when I walked. it wasn't just bc it was cold. but I think I walk looking down most of the time. I was reminded many times to look up, look around campus, look at the people you're walking past. God was telling me, "LOOK UP! these are all people that NEED ME!" I was reminded to pray bigger prayers, knowing and trusting in God's mightiness and faithfulness. reminded through Exodus that God WANTS to dwell amongst His people. He desires to be intimate with us. and He accomplishes that through the Holy Spirit in the NT. Thank you, Lord.

Lord, You desire to break down racial/class/gender barriers. You are mighty to save. Amen.

Downtown to Yorktown

2009-02-14T13:02:00.007-06:00

I missed the 8:30 train to go home this morning. dang they leave on time. I ran into the station at exactly 8:29:57. it JUST turned 8:30 when I got to the gate when the train was departing. I stood by the train, as passengers inside stared at me, and its engine started. I was literally talking to the train and asking God to have mercy on me for being late 30 SECONDS (cuz the next train would be in 2 hrs). However, the train began to leave. I just stood there, panting from running, and my head down. BUT THEN, the train came to a HALT. i thought it was going to open its doors to let me in..... but nope. the wheels started to role again and it left for good this time. This was the consequence I had to pay for waking up late. but THANK GOD that He isn't like the train or the conductor in that He is ABUNDANT in His mercy and His Grace is sufficient. Amen!

I decided to go to Corner Bakery inside Union Station for breakfast and to read Exodus (I've been going through Exodus with my friend Minhee). I ordered "Honey Banana Oatmeal." It had dried cranberries, skim milk, and granola in it as well. It was delicious! but it better be delicious since it cost $4.45 for oatmeal (O.o). but in any case, I also received a free bread thingy cuz I had to wait 10 minutes. so the oatmeal was fresh, too! free food = extra blessing =)

My dad picked me up from the Downtown Downers Grove station and brought me to Yorktown, where he works. I told him last night that I went home that I wanted to go to work with him. So right now, I'm sitting inside the food court of Yorktown Mall, next to the garbage bin, watching my Dad work. It's actually kinda fun, watching him in a suite and tie, wearing his "old man" glasses, working the cashier, smiling and greeting the customers, watching the steady stream of customers to his store, seeing the many drinks of the people around me with a "Sarku Japan" labeling. I'm proud of him. For 20+ yrs he's been working in the foods department, he's been in the back, cooking, never actually seeing the people he was serving. Not receiving their "thank you's" and "this is delicious" comments. never really able to practice his English. up until now. I feel like he's always been gifted in interacting and relating to people. he's just never really had the chance to do that in America. He's definitely a people person. He's one of those guys that brings life to the party with his outgoingness and jokes. especially in Taiwan. He had a TON of friends. He lost a lot of that part of himself living in America all these years. So, it's good to see him able to interact with people, use his English, smile at customers. He looks good! I'm happy.

My Awesome, Busy, and Blessed Day!

2009-02-13T02:07:00.005-06:00

7am- I woke up to do some unfinished hwk
8:30-9:45am- met up with P.Jimmy for coffee hour
10-10:30am- went to Dominick's to buy chocolate cake (for a NK Peace bake sale) and Arizona Iced tea (for my friend)
11-11:30am- had a conference with my teacher over a really crappy paper I wrote
11:30-12:15 I made a care package of arizona iced tea, bakery from Chinatown, and peach gummies for my friend who is going through a VERY tough week of midterms. AND i wrote a poem for her in the card! =)
12:30-1:45pm- went to my South Asian Literature Studies class
1:45-2:30pm- studied for my Spanish Exam at 3pm
3-4pm- took my Spanish chapter exam
4-5:15pm- went to my "Social Problems" class
5:30-6pm- David Dolvio treated me to "Mango something Toppler" at Jamba Juice. We went with Tito and Kristine.
6-6:30pm- dropped off the care package to my friend
6:30-7pm- went to McDonald's in Union Station to redeem a free Big Mac from a coupon I received from the Bulls game I went to this past tuesday. but as I stood in front of McD's I realized I don't need this free Big Mac, so why not give it to someone who does. I walked around Union station to look for a person asking for money to give the coupon to. The woman was standing on Jackson right before crossing the bridge.
7:05pm- As I was waiting for the 60 bus on Clinton, I ran into Carthic, who is a grad student that came out to Life group a few times. We got into a nice conversation and he said he'll try to make it out to Service this Sunday!
7:15pm- went to my school's cafeteria for dinner: roast beef sandwich
7:30-8:30pm- met up with Rinnie (sp?), Katharine, and Angela to decide shirt designs for All Campus Worship. Angela is gifted in Photo Shop.
9-10pm- watched America's Best Dance Crew in Cordova's room.
10:30-12:30am- had an awesome conversation with Jessica Hwang about many topics, but mostly about what I've been learning at HMCC.
12:30-now (2:018am)- AIM and facebook and blogging! XP
next... shower and homework...
welcome to the life of a college student! (O.O)

Bulls Win!

2009-02-11T01:31:00.002-06:00

I went to a Bulls game today with my relatives and met up with the Grad. Life Group for the last quarter of the game. BULLS BEAT PISTONS (sorry Sandy and Joanna)!!!! 107 to 105. the bulls were still down 10pts. with 5min. But somehow, they came back! and with 16sec. left, Gordan scored a 3 pointer (plus a foul!) taking the Bulls to the lead (with Rose assist). It was SOOOO exciting! I was going crazy!!

ANNNNDDD.... WE SAW MICHAEL JORDAN AND SCOTTIE PIPPEN!!!!! They were here for the Johnny "Red" Kerr dedication which occurred at half time. It was quite exciting! And, Obama also appeared on a video congratulating Kerr on his achievements.

Is Chop Suey "Real" Chinese Food?

2009-02-11T01:14:00.002-06:00

I went to the Hull House Rethinking Soup presentation today. They served Won Ton Soup. The speaker was Monica Eng, who is the writer of the foods section in the Chicago Tribune. She spoke about the history of Chinese food in Chicago. I found the presentation fascinating because I always wondered how Chop Suey and other "Chinese foods for Caucasians" came to be. I learned that the various types of Chinese food is intricately linked with our political and economical history. For instance, the Chinese Exclusion and the various waves of different Asian immigrants had a huge effect on the types of Chinese food being served, from the city out to the suburbs. She also shared about some of the other projects she's working on, just looking into the conditions of the CPS lunch program and possible ways to improve it. As she was talking and sharing her stories, ideas, places she's eaten, and answering questions, it made me really want to pursue a career that somehow deals with food and nutrition and education. Oh, and I went to my honors class late purposely so I could hear her presentation. My fascination with food and Asian American history kept me there, even though I knew I had an in class essay that I would miss. I felt like this was something important. I don't know how to describe it, but I just felt like I really had to be there because I knew it would impact me in some way. But yeah, a career that combines food, nutrition, education, and various cultures really interests me. I'm gunna look into that. =)

I wanna say something

2009-02-09T01:05:00.002-06:00

... but i don't know what to say. I feel like I have a lot of things on my mind lately. but I can't seem to talk about them. You kno sometimes when a bunch of things go on in your mind, they stay there for a few seconds, and then some other thought buds in. and a few seconds later, the first thought comes back. Here are thing that keep coming in and out of my thoughts: my sister, my mom, my major, Kevin, HMCC membership, home cooked meal, Owls, Chem Exam tomorrow, Eric, my dad, Sakura Terryaki Chicken, summer missions, how much I miss Taiwan, Life Group people, Remedy, Exodus, chocolate, meeting up with P. Jimmy, my legs are sore, how do I want to impact others, cooking, blogging, facebooking, God, people I've been trying to reach out to.... I think those are the main things as of now.

I love Mommy!

2009-02-03T00:25:00.007-06:00

I saw my mom through Skype today for the first time in 5 months. I was so happy I cried. Just a little bit. =) I really miss my sister and mom. Thank you Lord for creating Skype for me to see them on web cam.

You know what my mom's first reaction were after seeing me for the first time in 5 months?
"Do something with medical so you can get a good job in this economy" and "Did you get chubbier? because you look chubbier. hahaha." -_- I love you, too, Ma.

Today was a good day. I did my QT first thing in the morning (hope I can keep it up). during it, I met a guy name Mike that came and sat by me. He was pretty cool. He asked me what I was doing. and I told him I was praying for various countries and reading the Bible. he gave that "hmm.. interesting" look. and I told him reading the Bible IS interesting and even exciting. Then, I went to the gym with Minhee from 10-11am. I ate breakfast with E.Chung, Alyson, Matt, and David Dolvio. I showered, got my paperwork done for America Reads, and went to class. After class, I went to TBH for discipleship. Afterwards, Yoon Sun cooked a delicious Korean meal for us. came back to CMW. Juhae texted me bout ACW meeting. so i went to that. chatted with Rinee, Katharine, Mina, Juhae, and Sharon a little. went back to my dorm, talked on Skype again with my sister and mom! chatted on AIM with Minnie and ooyoo. and now blogging. Thanks for a blessed day, Lord!

Prison Industrial Complex

2009-01-31T11:12:00.008-06:00

I was first introduced to this topic by my sister during my second semester of senior year in high school. Then, the topic was also discussed in my African American Politics and Culture class. And AGAIN, in my Sociology class this semester. I've been fortunate to have encountered this subject even just within my first year of college. I don't care if someone's a biology, chemistry, architecture, art, or music major, I think people are deprived of their education if they've never learned about the Prison Industrial Complex sometime in their college career. I don't know why I feel so strongly about this. Maybe because I was just so bothered by this fact when I finally understood more of it this semester. I feel like it's my obligation to inform others, to spread awareness. It's probably the only thing I can do right now. So this is why I'm writing this on a Saturday morning (not even for an assignment, but just because) when I should be doing OWL home work. =P

It is not a phenomenon, because it's been going on for years. It is a perfect example of how our society participates, reproduces, and enforces a social institution without even knowing it, ignorant of the things going around us without giving them a second thought of how it came to be. So what is it? What is the Prison Industrial Complex? We can look to Angela Davis for the answer to this question. In her article "Masked Racism: Reflections on the Prison Industrial Complex," Davis asserts that Americans are tricked into believing in the "magic" of the prison system. People are bought into thinking that imprisonment is the solution to social problems of poverty, drugs, or murder. However, "prisons do not disappear problems, they disappear human beings. And the practice of disappearing vast number of people from poor, immigrant, and racially marginalized communities has literally become BIG BUSINESS."

Basically, the prison system is a business, a systematic cooperation between the government and private corporations to gain free labor and capital. And we, being consumers and participants of a society gripped by the fear of crime, are also involved. Here’s what basically going on (some direct quotes from Davis): Prisons are being privatized (not government run) and are even held less accountable for violation of international human rights standards. Government contracts to build prisons have bolstered the construction industry. Technology developed for the military by companies are being marketed for use in law enforcement and punishment. Prison construction bond holders are also leading financier for tapping into this profitable investment. Numerous companies (such as Motorola, IBM, Compaq, Microsoft, Boeing, Victoria Secret, Chevron, Revlon, and Nordstrom) are using FREE prison labor. “For private business, prison labor is like a pot of gold. No strikes. No union organizing. No health benefits, unemployment insurance, or workers’ compensation to pay,” write Eve Goldberg and Linda Evans.

What is the effect of prison labor? Davis writes, “The penal system itself does not produce wealth. It devours the social wealth that could be used to subsidize housing for the homeless, to ameliorate public education for the poor and racially marginalized communities, to open free drug rehabilitation programs for people who wish to kick their habits, to eradicate a national health care system, to expand programs to combat HIV, to eradicate domestic abuse—and, in the process, to create well-paying jobs for the unemployed.”

There’s a whole other section about racialized criminality and how the political economy of prisons relies on colored bodies that David talks about, but I won’t get to my homework if I continue. I don’t know what I can do knowing all this. Maybe I’ll become an activist one day. But I know I’ll encounter many other causes, social problems to fight for, not just this one. I guess writing this is just a way for me to internalize things I read/learn in class. I don’t have a good way to sum this up. I just want people to know about this, too.

Daaaang (looking back on what I wrote)…. I better be able to use this as an assignment in one of my classes.

What To Do...

2009-01-26T11:30:00.003-06:00

This past weekend and even now I've been thinking a lot of what to do in the summer. There's seriously so many things I can do. but I'm not sure what God wants me to do. HMCC if doing summer missions in Chicago this time. and i want to be apart of it because I really want to know the needs of this city and how i can serve the city. it's kinda the reason i came to UIC. to be IN the city and... iunno... I know there are so much need. but I don't know where or how. i havent gone out to volunteer at food pantries or homeless shelters. as UIC students, there are plenty of opportunities to do that. I just havent taken any of them. but anyway, I'm not sure what God is calling me to do. I need to pray more about it. please pray for me, and many people at HMCC who are still deciding as well.

AND the spring break trip to Louisiana of course. I want to go to that, too. Oy.... head hurting >.<

Blah-ing... about a lot of things

2009-01-21T09:55:00.008-06:00

I'm at the Chicago Public Library in Downtown with Stella right now. I don't feel like doing my chem. OWL hwk, so I'm doing this instead. I've been thinking about a lot of things these past 2 weeks. some random, but some have been in my mind for a while.

we had prayer meeting each day leading up to the HMCC retreat last week. during those times, I was terribly distracted and felt sorta numb; I couldn't "feel" the holy spirit moving. I didn't have words when I tried to pray. I couldn't quite sing the songs that we were singing because I felt uneasy singing those words for some reason. I think it was because I had sins I hadn't repent at that time. I have to say, I wasn't very excited for the retreat. I was excited b/c much more UIC ppl were going this time, but now that I reflect on it, I wasn't too thrilled about encountering God. I think it all began that last week of winter break, after I came back from the LWEC retreat. I barely did anything that week, or at least anything productive. and I certainly didn't turn to God or read his word. instead I chose to watch dramas and go to my cousin's house and watch more dramas. I don't realize how much NOT seeking God for a week can affect me and my spiritual walk. Coming back to school and HMCC was tough in the sense that I knew I had deliberately lived for myself and my own pleasures that last week of break instead of living for Christ. and I found it hard turning back to him. I felt like a hypocrite, a stubburn and foolish child. I think this was why I felt distracted and numb going into the HMCC retreat.

The theme of the retreat was "Poured Out." interesting. what does it mean to be poured out? I'm still trying to understand what that means and must look like in my life. cuz to tell you the truth. I don't think I'm living a life "poured out" for Christ. It helped when P.Seth explained about the vision of the church on Sat. morning. why he really believes in church planting and especially on college campuses. and how we should choose a career in any area to be used for God's glory in very practical ways. two groups gave short presentations on Transform___ (something). but basically they are projects that we as HMCC can participate in to reach out into our communities and "transform" lives. I got really excited when Olivia and Zen were presenting about Rogers Park. I hadn't heard anyone talk about it before, so it kinda took me by surprise. but it was a good surprise. I want to get to know Olivia more. she seems really cool. actually, all the freshmens at NU seem really cool. I hope I'll get to know that better this coming semester and the years to come. but anyway, back to what i was saying about being poured out. I'm starting to catch that vision a little bit more. It's quite a Big vision and "grandios" if you think about it. but I think is biblical. It's what God calls us to do. and I think that kind of life, a life poured out for Christ, is much more exciting and purposeful (and biblical) than half-assing (or not giving it all) in this spiritual journey.

I want to live a life poured out. i do. what's stopping me? I'm pretty sure it's my pride and selfishness and self-righteousness. i often have to remind myself that I dont deserve anything. i dont deserve the blessings, the talents, the praise i receive. It's all by God's grace. but I sometimes forget. or sometimes i knowing try to take some ownership of what I've accomplished. sometimes I think I'm worthy of the praise I receive from others. sigh... Sherry, you're so foolish. thats what God tells me. and then I'm like "but... but... but..." but nothing. when I look to what Christ did on the cross, any sense of self-righteousness or worthiness is wiped away. Thank God that salvation is happening daily. Thank God for sactification. Thank God for continuingly molding me, shaping me. Thank God that He loves me enough to not let me stay as I am, but wants to change me to become a more beautiful daughter that can bring more glory to Him who saved me.

Stella is studying dilligently. I.... am not.

I've been thinking about Nikki again. I dont know if I should contact her. I still don't feel ready. what am I scared about if I know I'm holding onto the truth? I dunno. maybe cuz I still don't think I can defend it as well as she can defend hers. yet, I want to tell her the Truth of salvation by faith through grace alone, not just for her, but especially since she's teaching other people her belief on baptism, which I believe are not correct. I want to finish this book that i started talking about baptism first, and study on discipleship, what being a disciple means, and how the term is used in the bible.

I've also been thinking about the... "interesting" people that I/HMCC have encountered. like Josh the other day. that monday we came back from break, we were all eating at West side cafeteria. and this random dude Josh came by. and he's kinda different. kinda awkward. and kinda hard to talk to. and Hus. the same thing. I feel like I'm in high school, deciding to sit with the kid who no one wants to sit with at the lunch table or to sit with my friends. It's hard to say. I want to show Christ's love on 'em, but I'm kinda scared to. this led me to thinking, is God's love selective? No! God loves each and every person he created. So, why do i question myself on whether to ask them to come to HMCC? I already sense from other people from HMCC (including myself) that we don't want "that kind of people" at HMCC. that sounds kinda bad, but I'm sad to say it's kinda true. should I just invite them anyway? I feel like, HMCC already has challenges to deal with being a church plant. I don't know if bringing in people that can make it a little hard will help. but I, again, remind myself that's not a decision I should be making. and having a preconcieved notion that Hus or Josh will cause "trouble" at HMCC is also wrong. I'm totally NOT pointing the finger at anyone BUT myself right now btw. cuz I think God's been placing them on my heart cuz I keep thinking about them. I just know that I can tell that they don't have many people who are willing to talk to them, or reach out them. so when we did, they kinda held onto us like a leach. Hus immidiately took every opportunity to hang out with HMCCers at Joyees, shopping, running. and Josh kinda just followed us into Tia's room. >.< In any case, I hope to talk to P.Jimmy or someone about these concerns of mine. but one thing i gotta keep in mind is that it's not about me, or even about HMCC. it's about Jesus. its ALL about Jesus.

Oh! Barack Obama was inaugurated yesterday to become the 44th president of the U.S. Cool!

I've been craving the chicken from "Take Me Out." Mmm.... can't wait for Superbowl Sunday!

Ok, that's all the Blahing for now. OWL time.

Classes

2009-01-14T08:48:00.006-06:00

I'm liking my classes and teacher for the most part this semester. i decided to drop history because I felt like it's gunna be a repeat of what I learned in APUSH. i signed up for SOC 105 like 30min before that class. i took the last open spot. I'm looking forward to the class cuz we're gunna be discussing Social Problems (hence the title of the class) and Franklin (my cousin) is in it! haha. never thought I'd be in a class with my cousin. =) I'm a little nervous about Spanish cuz my teacher, Javier, says we can only speak spanish in the class room and he speaks REALLY fast. but i guess its a good thing. it's wut i wanted, to be able to speak spanish semi-fluently. or at least good enough to make conversations. i'm gunna try really hard to speak up in class. I'm excited for my Honors core class, too! i hated... well, really disliked the first semester of honors core, but this semester, my prof. seems really cool and intelligent and experienced. she's old, but she's got spunk. despite the fact that we'll be reading 8 books total this semester, which is like one book per 2 weeks, I'm looking forward to it. the class is about South Asian Literature. we'll be studying about post-colonial years in South Asia, concentrating mostly on India and Pakistan.

This semester is definitely gunna be a challenge. My classes this semester are harder, im gunna need to spend more time on hwk and reading. and I'll be working for the America Reads Program. each day are going to be full days from 8-5pm. wow. now aside from work and academics, I plan to wake up early to do QT, fit in working out each day somehow, fit in ultimate firsbee somehow, and of course there's Life Group. and if there's time, i'm thinking about joining AASIA and EVO, just to meet more people and make new friends. but it's only if i can handle it. I feel like I've done this all my HS career. people say I'm spreading myself to thin. but I really enjoy doing everything I possibly can. yes, i drop the ball sometimes cuz i have so many commitments, but i never regretted doing any of the activities cuz the memories and relationships i build are so worth it. I do need to pray for discernment. if God wants me to just focus on a few things, that I'm willing to listen and follow. or perhaps I'll just realize that I can't do it all when i become burnt out by the 5th week of school. eek. but please pray for me for better time management and that above all these things, my relationship with God comes first.

2nd Semester Kicks Off

2009-01-13T10:37:00.003-06:00

The first day back was nice. despite not being able to fall asleep Sunday night, I got up on time to pray and spend some time in God's word, reading Isaiah. ate breakfast with Kristine, Joe, Josh, Sherry, and Martin. went to History at 10am. Jennifer (from HMCC) is in my class! Then, I went to the gym to work out with Hyun Seo. showered. napped for 1/2 hour. went to Chem from 3-5pm. had dinner with Jeka, Amber, Beth, and a bunch of AAIV people. I totally forgot about the 21 Day Daniel Fast thingy -_- I ate turkey with stuffing and cranberry..... and it was delicious =P Then, I met up with David and Tito to head over to SRH to meet up with Tia, Yoon Sun, Minnie, ooyoo, Anthony, Stella, and Josh (who we just met) and i had a 2nd dinner. i still forgot about the Fast and ate a delicious Tuna sandwich..... this was when I realized everyone was only eating vegetables and Yoon Sun finally told me. I think I forgot because I didn't really want to do it. if i did, I would have cared more and not have forgotten. but even if I don't really want to do it, I'm going to, not because other people are... well, maybe thats part of the reason, but I'm going to do the Fast because I think it's necessary, for me to focus on God. I'm gunna try Really hard to do QTs and pray everyday (esp during the fast).

Oh!! I almost forgot! two things that made my first day back EVEN better (aside from seeing everyone again).....(1) I GOT A HUG From JUHAE!!!!! Hahaha. WOohoo!! I was so excited (if u can't tell) that i held on to her as long as i could until she had to pry me off of her. haha. this was while I was walking back to my dorm after working out, and she was like... eww, you're swetty, and then pulled me off. STILL, I was overjoyed! =D
(2) I received a BIG package full of snacks and notes from the youths from my home church, CCMC. one of the note said "Hug me!"- Emeth. hehehe. this made me smile. =)
AND I received a letter from my sister from Taiwan! Taiwanese Christmas cards are the best. haha.

Thanks God!

First Official Bummage This Winter Break

2009-01-06T00:18:00.003-06:00

After the LWEC Retreat for 4 days followed by a ski/snowboarding trip for 2 days, I was ready for a day of bummage. Today (Monday), I slept till 3pm! I didn't mean to, but I haven't slept so well in a while. I was woken up by one of those "hmm... I feel very refreshed and my body feels renewed" type of thought and realized that I had overslept. But anyway, I did nothing productive except wash my 3 loads of clothes. =P Oh! and I cooked dinner for myself! I fried up some tofu with green onion and stir fried some Bok Choy. They were quite delicious might I say so myself ;) hmmm... I started a new korean drama called "On Air." My sister recommended it to me this past summer. It's ok so far. it's not as good as Hong Gil Dong. Iunno if anything can beat Hong Gil Dong actually. I miss Carrie. Carrie, I miss you! Praying for you and your job situation. I'm contemplating about whether I should go back to Taiwan this summer beginning of May.

Reasons not to: Marco and Leo won't be going back this summer, Hyung seo is going back to Korea the end of May, missions possibly in the city with HMCC, I can't really travel on my own =(, and without Dad I can't get all the free food from his buddies' stores.

Reasons to go: see Carrie, Cindy, Mom, family, Jenny and Sharon (from TAF), Kitty and Sherry possibly.

Retreat Season

2008-12-29T22:58:00.003-06:00

Like many people have been doing during break, I will be off on a retreat tomorrow (Tues) until Friday. Followed by a ski trip with my cousins, Marco and Leo, and their friends. It's gunna be a busy week, but so much fun! weird. it doesnt feel like I'm going on a retreat tomorrow. I'm so ill prepared. and a spot on my right leg keeps twitching right now. haha. It feels funny. anyway, I'm gunna be leading a small group of high school girls. and... ahh... the twitching stopped. =) dang it. nope. its back. it feels like my heart beat! wait no. that would be bad cuz it keeps going and stopping and beats double-time sometimes. anyway, I'm excited for the retreat, and the ski trip!

funny. once I said I wanted to quit blogging, it's been easier to type things out. hm... peace out.

Daydreaming of Street Evangelism

2008-12-29T15:56:00.006-06:00

I was daydreaming again today while I was typing up the prayer requests for Australia. I thought back to the day my family went to "The Taste of Chicago" this past summer. At the last intersection of the street right across the entrance to The Taste, a young man was speaking about the second coming of Christ through a speaker phone. I don't remember if he spoke about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, him being the savior, his resurrection, or anything like that. We walked past him like everyone else. but I remember thinking, man, I definitely don't have the courage to do something like that.

Then, I started picturing myself in that guy's shoes. What words would I use? I think I started with (in my daydream) something along the lines of, "What is your purpose in life? What is the meaning of life?" iunno. I think I also shared my own testimony. of how Christ saved me from the penalty of sin and how he wants to save you, too. As I was daydreaming, I felt like I was observing as a third person. you know when you dream sometimes, you're just observing and sometimes you see yourself, but you're not in your body? anyways, that's how I am in a lot of my dreams, and this time was no different. as crowds of people are walking by, looking at me strangely, I couldn't imagine that person was me. it looked like me. I still dint see myself having the courage to do such a thing..... yet. I hope one day, I'll have so much fervor and zeal for the Gospel that I'll be able to street evangelize if God calls me to. but the truth is, I have such little faith. I still care more about my own image, my own respectability than sharing the Gospel often times. there's only been glimpse in my life that I have out myself out there for the Holy Spirit to really use me. My fear, my doubt have gotten in the way many more times. like this past spring break, when I knew I'd see my grandpa for the last time. My fear got in the way of sharing the Good News of Jesus with him. and he past away a few months afterwards. Not knowing Jesus. I still have a hard time forgiving myself for that. even though I know all things happen under His sovereignty. yet, I still trust God, and pray that He will still use me, despite my failure, my lack of faith, my lack of trust in Him. the mind and body is so weak. only God can transform the desires of my heart. praying for radical transformation.

Daydream for a Passion

2008-12-28T01:09:00.003-06:00

I watched an interview with the director of 'Cape 7' (a famous Taiwanese movie) this morning at 4am. I hadn't gone to bed yet. But as he was describing his passion for directing, how he was willing to put all of himself into it, I couldn't help but to think about what my passion is. I desire a career that I can be passionate about, just like him. Then, I think about pre-med. and whenever people asks me if I'm going into pre-med, I say im considering it. or jus maybe. as if pre-med is my "back-up." not something I'm pursuing with my whole heart. granted I'm only a freshmen and I don't have to know what I want to do with the rest of my life. But I don't like giving that half-assed answer. It bugs me. I want to be able to give a definate 'yes' or 'no.' The problem is I don't know what my passions are. but for one thing, I know I want to live passionately for Christ and glorification of God in every aspect of my life. That's not true in my life, yet. But I hope oneday I'll be closer. I'm reading this book by John Piper called Dont Waste Your Life and I'm hoping it will shed some light to how I am to live for the glory of God. I'm only on chapter 3, but I'm like liking it so far.

Anyway, I was daydreaming today about how I went on a journey around the world to find my passion. I traveled around doing odd jobs, from being a sailor, to fisherwoman, and then somehow becoming a chef training in a hactic kitchen in France. I went across Europe, but somehow (probably with the fishing boat) ended up in an impoverish area in Africa. I found myself in the middle of an attack. bombs exploding everywhere and bullets shooting at all directions. All of a sudden a surgeon ordered me to stich up a man's wound. He told me it was just like sewing clothes. and that's what I did the entire time. went around stiching people's wounds up. I remember after that, I went back to America, no Europe somewhere and applied to medical school, telling my story on the application. It would be awesome if it was real. I don't know. maybe that's the experience I'm gunna need to make me passionate about going pre-med. Or help me know that I definately don't. I think it'd be so cool if I do have an experience/encounter like that to help me know what I really want to do in life. I want to know life outside of Downers Grove, Chicago-land area, or even Taiwan. There's so much out there. I want to experience more in life. Haha. I want to take a bike trip around Taiwan on my own (my cousin did that). I want to travel from Europe all the down to South Africa, on my own. That'd be amazing. no, it'd be scary. I'm gunna plan a trip to Taiwan now. =)

Frustrating

2008-12-27T03:44:00.002-06:00

I don't like blogging. It takes me so many friggin' hours to wrote a few lines. It's frustrating when I have things in my mind to share. but they come and go so fast sometimes that I can't describe them. and even if it's something important, I can't come up with the words fast enough! I wanna be more articulate, I wanna know more vocabulary, I wanna spell words right. I wanna give up... for now. or for a while. goodnight.

Dedicated to Hyun Seo Yang

2008-12-18T01:42:00.007-06:00

Dec. 22, 2008

I spent 5 out of the last 7 days last week with Hyun Seo, and man… they are probably one of the most awesome, hilarious, and happiest days in my life (definitely will be one of the my highlights of my college life). It all began Monday…

I picked up Joanna from Starbucks and ate breakfast with her at ‘Maxwell’s Hashbrowns’. We shared a “Taylor Street omelet” with sweet potato hashbrowns and toast. You know, I was really happy to be able to drive Joanna around for once cuz she’s always the one driving us everywhere.

Then, I Picked up Hyun Seo from SSB at 12:38pm (ish). Omg, when she saw me, she ran toward me from half a block away and literally jumped into my arms. I was so scared that she was gunna perform “the show” when she was running!! I tried to tell her to slow down, but her excitement had already taken her onto full speed. She eventually did perform “the show.” I dropped her off at SRH for her to pick some things up., but when she was coming back to my car, she was running again, and she performed a BIIIIG “show.”

The first thing we did when we got to Downers Grove was visit my high school. We went into the school while they were still having class, and a former badminton teammate saw us and took me to see my badminton coach (while he was teaching a class!). He came out of his class room and was delighted by the visit. He a cool dude. =) Our school also had our Fall Art Display, where we walked around and saw my former art teacher.

Let’s see, what else…. We rented/watched ‘Notting Hill’ and ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith.’ I’ve seen both before, but they were only 2 for $1 at Family Video! It was probably my 8th time seeing ‘Notting Hill’ (It’s one of my favorite Chick Flicks). I really enjoyed the second movie too (again). I think Hyun Seo did, too. =/

Tuesday morning, she woke up speaking Korean to me really fast. I still hvae no idea what she said, and apparently she doesn't either. Around noon, we also went sledding!!!.... in 15 degrees F, but we bundled up (A LOT!) so it wasn’t that cold. We went up to the hill down the street in Obrien Park. We had a BLAST!! Haha. We were gunna go up to the North Suburbs to meet up with Inhae, Minhee, and Tia to hang out. But there was a snow storm! Traffic was terrible so we decided not to go (the AAIV Christmas Party was postponed, too). So, Tuesday night, my dad, my dad’s roommate’s girlfriend, Jessica, and I cut Hyun Seo’s hair!! It was really funny, when she asked me to cur her hair I first refused to. She was like “Sherry, I trust you!” but I was like “No! I don’t trust myself!” See, I’ve never cut someone’s hair before, like full out. I’ve trimmed my mom’s hair, cut my bangs a lil. But I’ve only seen my mom cut hair since she used to always cut my sister’s and my hair every time. I just got my first hair cut in a salon this past labor day weekend in Houston!

Anyway, Wednesday morning, we drove into the city and had breakfast with Joanna at ‘Sweet Maple.’ It was Excellent!! The egg scramble was delicious! I’m gunna try to make it myself at home. I even bought ricotta cheese (just like our order)!! Afterwards, I dropped Joanna off at work, then dropped Hyun Seo off at Union Station, where she was “supposed” to meet her English teacher to go to the Museum. But her teacher never showed up =( I had already driven home when she called me later.

On Saturday, I drove into the city to pick up Hyun Seo, Inhae, and Min Hee from Union Station cuz they came to watch me perform at ARRIVAL. The ride home was hilarious as ever can be. Hyun Seo showed us all the Christmas cards she drew for everyone. They were for sure the best Christmas Cards… ever! Inhae’s 12 packs, I mean... purple coat, Min Hee’s grandma outfit, Grace “cut something”, Sandy driving, P. Jimmy’s “mustard.” Oh man, good times, good times. We cooked fried rice together, and talked and laughed some more. Hyun Seo was being ridiculously hilarious. We laughed so hard my stomach and cheeks were hurting SO bad. “Oh daang” (with bounce!). ROFL!!! omg, it was also hilarious when (Inhae, you know what I'm thinkin) Hyun Seo woke wouldn't wake up, but when I whispered to her that my Dad cooked dinner, she shot right up and went to sit at the dining table without saying a word. LOL!!!

Saturday night, Jeni Chang also slept over. Min Hee, Hyun Seo, and Inhae almost froze to death because I didn't know my dad closed off the heating vents in the room cuz it used to get TOO hot. Plus, it was freezing that night outside, literally!

Let's see, what else... Running around in the freezing cold Sunday was fun, too. We drove up to Evanston for church, and dropped Min Hee off at her dad's church in Glenview. It was SOOOOO cold!! After church we went to Old Orchard to "find boots"... I ended up buying two shirts from Gap! =D A bunch of us ate at the food court. We saw Santa (again)!! haha. And, of course, Hyun Seo was being too funny. I almost died laughing at everything she was doing. That was a really awesome time.

Hyun Seo’s excitement over… everything seems like that of a little child’s discovering a new toy, her eyes widen and light up, and puts on a huge smile with her mouth open. And does a lil dance… or big dance. I’m sure those of you that know her knows what I’m talking about. But even though she does some, no, A LOT of crazy things that may seem “childish,” I still see her as an unni, an older sister. She has so much heart, she’s fearless- loves to explore and try new things (like travel around NY with a stranger and go to Florida on her own). And when she was sharing her insight with us during our “girl talk” at the sleepover, I had so much respect for her. I don’t know what it is about her that she can act seemingly childish, yet, be mature. Maybe not “childish,” but innocent, yet, insightful. Haha, iunno how to explain it.

All I can say is Hyun Seo, you're awesome. Thanks for being you. I love you and I'm gunna miss you sooooo much!!!!! I’m gunna start tearing up if I think about you leaving at the end of May, so I’m gunna try to not think about it for now. …. too late T.T

I Almost Left for Mexico Today

2008-12-13T22:58:00.002-06:00

Leo: I'm going to Mexico tomorrow, you wanna come?
Me: ... you serious?

This happened when my dad, aunt, and cousin Leo came to help me move out for winter break on Friday afternoon. By 3pm, the traffic was already backed up. Leo had actually asked me during Thanksgiving break, but I didn't think much about it. So, when he asked me again, I was like...um...no. But the funny thing was that my aunt and my dad kept urging me to go.

Dad: It will be a good experience.
Me: But Dad, I'm gunna be spending money going to 3 retreats, which will cost at least $200, I want to go on the Spring Break Missions trip, which will cost $400, AND I'm going back to Taiwan in May, and summer school and TAF!!
Dad: Don't worry about the cost. Money isn't the issue. It's an experience of a lifetime.
Me: How can I add another $500 trip to Mexico. That's way too much!
Dad: How about this, I'll pay for $200, your aunt will help you with $100, and you pay another $200.
Me: But I don't have any income! The money I spend is STILL YOURS!
Dad: It's not about the money, Sherry. It's the experience.

Interesting... I feel like I'm more concern about our family's financial situation than my dad is a lot of times. Or perhaps he just doesn't show it.

It's the experience. It seems like that's been my parents model for raising my sister and I. All the piano lessons, violin lessons, sports camps, TAF, throwing us onto airplanes by ourselves at 6yrs old, sending us to America to live with Uncle David. It's all for us to "gain experience." and man, am I thankful for that. I wouldn't be the versatile person that I am without those experiences.

But Mexico?? So sudden? I thought I was the one who would do random, sudden things, like go to Mexico for 2 weeks the day after school ended. But my dad was all for it, too. Maybe that's where I get my randomness from.

In the end, I decided not to go. I called Leo later that night to tell him. The reasons?... money, previous engagements, and rest. If I had gone, I would have came back the day before leaving to be a small group leader at Roger's Church's retreat, then straight to CCMC's retreat. If I am to serve as a small group leader, I want to give my full attention and energy. It would be irresponsible of me to go to Mexico, and come back all tired and unable to serve.

Yes, I probably passed up an experience of a life time... a three day road trip down to Mexico, traveling with a local, Juan, who's Leo's friend, and helping them build a church, even possible missions, and flying back home.

man... I still kinda wish I had gone.

O.O

2008-12-12T01:47:00.002-06:00

I REALLY need to start dancing again!! =P
I suck. like no joke.... maybe ill join EVO just for fun. and I hear the people are pretty cool ;)
and i'm gunna start breakdancing again this winter... thats my goal... in our new basement!!

I Am Second

2008-12-05T15:18:00.005-06:00

http://iamsecond.com/

Hear the testimonies of how Christ has changed the lives of some of today's celeberties. Hope this will get some people to ask questions and seek answers in Jesus Christ. If anyone wants to talk about who this Jesus really is or how he can transform your life, I would be delighted to talk with you! Just message me or give me a call ANYTIME =)

I will (very soon!) share my own testimony on this blog entry about how Christ entered and transformed my life and why 'I Am Second.' but in the meantime, enjoy this site!

Living

2008-12-03T06:14:00.003-06:00

...on 3 hours of sleep each night (more like morning). I wonder how long it will last until I totally crash. Hopefully long enough until finals are over... which means 7 more days!!! JIAH YO!

NK Peace

2008-12-02T03:48:00.004-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms4NIB6xroc

Not...
If I stop to help this person, what would happen to me?

But rather...
If I do not stop to help this person, what would happent to him?

The Morning Before Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T10:35:00.007-06:00

Wednesday Morning, Nov. 26, 2008

12AM Jack walked me over to TBH
A bunch of people cooking turkey and watching one of my favorite movies, Moulin Rouge, and Alice and I serenaded the “Elephant Medley” to each other.

1AM Juhae is so hospitable
She was the one that invited me to come over, and I feel special and get so excited whenever she does. It's like... Really? Me?!! =) and and... I needed to shower (badly), and Juhae insisted that I use her towels… I like that.

1:45AM I joined Inhae in the lounge to “do homework”
What did we end up doing? ---Handstands, cartwheels, seeing stars, hugging poles, and dancing to Missy Elliot… Well, the dancing was just me.

3:45AM Inhae and I decided we wanted to go over to MRH
So, we go back to Juhae’s room only to find that the door was locked. Lemme tell you that at this point that I didn’t have my shoes or a jacket or my phone because all my things were inside. All I had with me was my laptop, a T-shirt, and boxer shorts on. (O.O). And it just so happens that Inhae’s numbers all got deleted, so all she remembered was Juhae’s number. We call her, but she doesn’t pick up. Sooo, me and Inhae are sitting outside the door, talking to Minhee online, and cracking up about the whole situation. Anyway, we decide to still go to MRH. Luckily, Inhae had an extra pair of pants and another T-shirt and a hat. So, we walk out of TBH, her with all her stuff, and me with a hat, T-shirts, pants, my laptop, and no shoes on (I looked like a hobo that just stole a laptop from TBH).

4AM We’re waiting for Min Hee outside MRH.
She comes down, meets us outside, and starts cracking up at me, while my feet are about to freeze. We go into Minhee’s room, and Stella was asleep this whole time. So, she has no idea what’s going on.

6:30AM WAKE UP! HURRY HURRY!
We got up SO fast and literally ran out the door, down the stairs, and jumped into Anthony’s car. We decided around 5AM online with Anthony that we wanted to go to the beach to see the sunrise. Stella was sooo confused cuz she had no idea what was going on. LOL. Oh, can I just say, Anthony is a crazy, but good driver. We were worried we wouldn’t get to the lake front in time. But with Anthony’s mad driving skills, we did. The parking fee was $10!!! Was it worth paying $10?...... No, it was worth SOOO much more.

6:55AM The Sun rises
I don’t even know how to describe that moment. But I’ll try. I felt like I was waiting for the second coming of Christ, with all the anticipation and excitement.
Also, I understood what Minhee said when she described the sun as “our baby.” LOL. It’s gunna sound weird, but as the sun was “coming out,” it was so small, like a dot, a very bright dot. But when it finally came out, the sun gave us so much joy and warmth and life, much like a newborn baby. Now, the “coming out” part of the sun was much more magnificent and much…cleaner than childbirth, but you guys know what I mean. Ok, maybe not. But in any case, the sunrise also looked like a fireball slowly coming toward us. Or a nuclear bomb as Anthony described it.

The Creator was telling me, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Even with finals coming up, be still and know that I am a good and sovereign and just God.

That morning, I felt like a kid again- finding joy in the simplest things in life. Like watching a sunrise, or even just doing a handstand or cartwheel. These are the moments I will cherish forever, especially in the midst of all the craziness of college. And I’m thankful to share these moments with my close friends, my sisters and brother.

Thank you Lord for putting all the names mentioned in my life. You are truly magnificent.

Thanksgiving (pretty much my whole first semester)

2008-11-25T22:52:00.032-06:00

I am thankful for.... (in no particular order at all)

Emeth- for being adorable.
HMCC (Harvest Missions Community Church)- for providing a communtiy, a family that I can turn to
Joanna, Sandy, Anthony, P. Jimmy, P. Peter, and Yoonsun- for using up their gas tanks and racking up mileages to drive us everywhere
Joanna- for being the first person to call me up from HMCC and talk. and giving me that amazing head massage. and picking me up off the street to go to ACCESS.
Yoon Sun- for making my first experience at Flat Tops so wonderful. and letting us eat all her eggs and toast.
P. Jimmy and Peter- for answering my questions
Jeka Hwang- for eating with me, talking with me, praying with me, keeping strong, and sharing the Pamelo, and giving me brown sugar for my oatmeal and grits, and lending me her song book
Bethanie Lee- for her cheerfulness, graciousness, and love. Oh, and proof reading my paper at 7:30am and letting me use her printer. And for giving me that last piece of sushi!
Juhae, Rachel, Katharine, and Yoon Sun- for letting me crash at their place
Juhae Lee- for texting me to study at Monty Lounge with her, giving me free Wendy's root beer float, tucking me in, and forcing me to use her towel.
Nikki- for her passion for the Word and encouraging me to have the same passion to follow Christ EVERYDAY. and for challenging me to question my faith and seek the truth.
Dad- for the deep(er) conversations we've had since I've been in college
Skype- so I can talk to my sister, Carrie, more and encourage Min Hee to do her hwk.
Elizabeth Chung- giving me so much joy when I'm around her. and attempting to run to the beach with me. And being one of the first girl in AAIV (from the picnic) to reach out to me.
Min hee Lee- for being so caring. giving me ice water when I got hot flashes, giving me the best back massage just when I needed it, praying with me (whether at 8am or 9pm)
Jack Tsao- for being a guy.. haha jkjk.. I remember that's what jeka said, and I thought that was hilarious. but for real... for listening to me talk about random stuff and about life, for being my work-out buddy. making trips to Chinatown with me. and walking me to TBH at 12am
Christine- for being SUPER cool and being as if we've been bffs for ever even though I just met her this year.
Kevin Kuo, Matt Zhang, Sarah Reese- for calling me to eat Jake's HOT wings and hang out
Alyson Kung- for being ridiculously cute beyond belief
Sharon Hong- for treating me to Massa's, buying me a bus ticket, and the wonderful conversation we had.
Grace Yu- for praying for me at AAIV Fall Retreat.
Julie- for teaching me the "Fried Pannoli" (Korean game) at AAIV Retreat
Grace Chang- for taking me to "Cho Sun Nul" (sp???) korean bbq place that was DELICIOUS!! and encouraging me by affirming me in various ways, and sharing your experiences
CLOUDZ- for the delicious food and championship medals from Mini-O's
Tia- for being an awesome "Tank"
Stella Lee- for accidentally sacrificing herself in Dodgeball at H-Games. for playing ping pong with me and working out with me.
Marty- for being a cool roommate
Jessica Cordova- for letting me nap on her bed, drool on her pillow (jk!), forcing me eating her mochi, helping me with Chem., basically feeding-clothing-sheltering me.
Gloria Yum- for running with me, letting me nap on her bed and chillin in her room. for waking me up to do OWLs. and for having a cool last name. and giving me that last piece of sushi.

Rebecca Doshier- for helping me study for my Chem Exam
Julie Nicoles- for giving me a hug everytime we see each other
Amanda Griesbaum- for being a GREAT lab partner =)
Angela Suh- for her constant smile everytime I see her. for demonstrating Christ's love in the way she loves her friends and cares about people.
U-Pass- for taking me to where ever I need to go in Chicago
Anthony- for taking awesome pictures that capture the memories and wonderful times. And driving us to see the sunrise
Sox- for keeping my feet warm when I don't have shoes
Locks- for keeping the girls bathroom locked
Amanda Chang- for inviting me to see Jersey Boys on her birthday (which I didn’t know about)
Iris Lo- for letting me crash at her place and cooking with me and helping come up with my prompt for my English paper
Katharine- for making me toast with peanut butter
Ultimate Frisbee girls- for an awesome tournament and fun drive down to Missouri.
Hyunseo- for never failing to make me laugh and sharing with me despite the language barrier.

Inhae Lee- for reading my blog everyday. for being open and vulnerable to me. for teaching me how to be a friend. for making me laugh with your weird sense of humor and randomness. For getting me started on Blogging- I wouldn't be sharing this with anyone if it weren't for you getting me into blogging. For keeping my head and legs warm when we ran outside at 4am… *sigh*…there’s so much more, but I’ll save ‘em for next time. ;D

Promise

2008-11-25T11:59:00.002-06:00

by Kapano Green

read from Oct. 23 entry below.

I Wanna Dance

2008-11-24T20:37:00.002-06:00

Just finished my chem test. now I wanna dance.
I miss dancing. I hope I haven't lost it.
I'm thinking about taking dance lessons once a week with Nonstop Dance Production next semester.
What do you think?

Reach

2008-11-23T21:34:00.002-06:00

by Kapano Green

When did it happen, how long has it been?
My heart wasn’t always cold
How long did it take to get so far away?
We used to be so close

God I remember the taste of your love
Before I walked away
But I can’t remember how to get home
So won’t you tell me?

Can you reach beyond the miles I put between us?
Can you hear me when I don’t know how to pray?
Can you take me back to where I was before I lost my faith?
Can you love me like I never turned away?

Is there forgiveness left in your heart, or have I used it all?
Am I still your child, am I too far gone?
I need to know!

Can you reach beyond the miles I put between us?
Can you hear me when I don’t know how to pray?
Can you take me back to where I was before I was before I lost my faith?
Can you love me like I never turned away?

Cuz it’s dark here where I am
And I don’t have the strength to stand and walk on my own
So, can you reach me?
Can you hear me?

Can you reach beyond the miles I put between us?
Can you hear me when I don’t know how to pray?
Can you take me back to where I was before I lost my faith?
Can you love me like I never turned away?

With a love without condition
Can you hear me crying out for you today?
Can you take me back to where I was before I lost my faith?
Can you love me like I never turned away?
Can you love me like I never turned away?

Catch Up

2008-11-10T15:17:00.003-06:00

Here are some things that's been going on this past 2-3 weeks. I just haven't had time to post 'em up. So here it is... all at once!

1. Barack Obama was elected as President on Nov. 4, 2008

I am happy to be a part of history. Over 270,000 people were in Grant Park to celebrate. The atmosphere there must have been SO exciting. But I’ll never forget some of the tears that rolled down the eyes of some of the African Americans, both young and old. However, I can’t’ help to be cynical when people say that anything is possible now that we have a black president. There’s a lot I can say about this topic, but I’ll save it for some other time.

2. Nikki…

I’ve been meeting up with my friend Nikki about once a week to do bible study, QT, or just share with each other. She a junior and we actually met at Servants small group. She’s been a great encouragement in my life because God is so evidently working in her life even just within this first semester of school. And she really encourages me to do my QTs.

3. The Car Ride Back

Last Tuesday night, after I went home that day to vote, Dad and I have a very good conversation on the car ride back to UIC. We talked about Mom, Carrie, Taiwan, the necessity of a Church community (but I don’t think he understood what I was trying to say with this one), and faith in general. Oh ya, I tried to get him to understand that a Christian lifestyle needs community because God didn’t intend for Chrsitians to walk alone. I don’t think he’s gotten it yet, but he’s open and trying to understand. He thinks a desire to go to church will come naturally for him… eventually =/….. we’ll see. I pray so.

4. Hong Gil Dong!

It’s bad. I barely did any homework last week because I started watching Hong Gil Dong. It’s SO GOOD! Except, God rebuked me today (through the message at Harvest on Repentance) and I realized I was sinning because I devoted so much time watching it that I neglected to do my QTs and my homework. What’s awesome is that once I admitted that I was sinning against God, I don’t feel the need to keep watching Hong Gil Dong. It can wait.

5. My Second Encounter with a Drunk Person

So last Friday on Halloween, we had just came back from ACCESS at NU around 2AM. I decided to take a shower. I had a bad feeling that something was gunna happen while I was in the shower cuz our bathroom door is unlock and there were drunk people everywhere. But I got in anyway, and a guy from my floor walked in on me. I didn’t even hear him walk into the girls’ bathroom, but he was drunk. I was like, “What the fuck are you doing?!!” and he was like, “AHH! Where the fuck am I?” and he ran out. I was like, whatever, he’s just stupid and drunk. I was a lil mad. But anyway, now our girls’ bathroom is locked. Oh, and I went to that dude’s room and told him “I think you owe me an apology.” And he did. But now… it’s just awkward when I see him. =P

6. Lastly... I decided on Harvest (HMCC)!!

I actually decided last week, but this weekend just confirmed it. I'll put up another post on this cuz there's lots to say.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

2008-11-03T11:39:00.002-06:00

Yes... I'm so happy today that I'm singing Mr. Rogers' theme song. It’s Gorgeous out today! It’s November and I’m wearing a T-shirt! And my roommate just ran out the door to beat up some guys. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood indeed. =)

A Conversation With a Drunk Friend

2008-11-01T16:14:00.004-05:00

“Are you judging me?”

This was the start of the very interesting conversation I had with my drunk friend on his 21st birthday about faith and Christianity. I did not understand why my friend thought I was judging him. Does the simple fact of me being there and not drinking make him feel judged? I have my opinion on drinking: drinking under age is against the law and, therefore, sinning against God. Am I automatically judging other people by having that opinion? Him asking me that made me uneasy because I didn’t think I was judging him, but somehow he felt like he was being judged by me. Did I unconsciously give him a certain “judemental” look? Did I do that to all my friends who were drinking under age?! Gahh! Iunno. I hope not.

But pretty much we began to talk about God, salvation through grace vs. salvation through works. It’s too much to share right now. But I was really glad to hear about where he’s at in terms of his faith. He says he’s still a believer, in that he believes that God has forgiven his sins through Jesus Christ, but he still feels that he needs to work to make up for it. Or at least that’s what I understood. But anyway, I got to share about how it’s by grace alone that we can be saved. Not by what we do or don’t do. And for some reason he couldn’t accept that. He thinks he’s fallen too deep. He kept repeating that night, “I’m a terrible person, I’m a terrible person, I’m a terrible person.”

There’s too much to share about, but I guess a prayer request for me would be to just care about him enough to keep reaching out to him, even if its gunna be hard. It might be putting our friendship on the line if I keep persisting to talk about God with him, maybe not, I might be overdramatizing this. But I know he’s hurting and desires something more than what this world has to offer. I realized last weekend that there are SO many people like him. We see them in our dorms, in our classes. People who are searching, wanting more, unsatisfied. That’s what I was like before becoming a Christian.

God gave me that opportunity to share the Gospel last weekend to my friend. But it shouldn’t just end with that one conversation. I hope there will be more of those conversations to come, and pray that I will initiate them. I think God brought me to him last weekend for a purpose. Maybe God wants to use me in the process of bringing my friend to Him. It’s exciting, yet, I’m a lil scared. I’ve failed before, when God wanted to use me but I got scared and backed down. So, what’s the difference this time around? I know that it’s not about me, it’s about God. (I hope that made sense). God has given me another opportunity to be used by Him despite my failure! Praise God! He is gracious indeed.

So Forgetful

2008-10-24T00:45:00.004-05:00

Sigh... God just told me this like last week... why do I forget so easily?

I've been investing a lot of time on friendships/relationships. It's time to refocus on God and my relationship with Him! READ HIS WORD!!! I feel emtpy without it, yet, I still don't read it daily.

I feel stupid. I need help. I need God... EVERYDAY!

Promise

2008-10-23T17:14:00.003-05:00

This song encouraged tremendously me during my hardest times in high school. I hope this song will bring encouragement to yall too.

Promise- by Kapano Green

My child listen carefully, listen to this song that I sing
Let it sink deep into your soul.

I see the way that you've been hurting, tired from the weight of your burden
I want to come and bear your load.

But I see you holding onto tear, all the questions all of the fears
All the things that keep you from believing.

But what more can I do? What must I say to prove that I love you
And I am never leaving?

Well I've told you this, but I don't think you heard me
So please hear me now

When you need me, I'll come to you
When you are weary, I'll hold you up
There's no need for you to worry
Cuz I can never break a promise, no

Stronger than the wind that blows you
Deeper than the night that unfolds you
Greater than the power of temptation

I will cause the sun to break through
Never will i leave or forsake you
I commit myself to your salvation

And you'll never grow too big for me to carry
This is Father's love

When you need me I'll come to you
When you are weary I'll hold you up
There's no need for you to worry
Cuz I can never break a promies, no
No, I can never break a promise

And when the fire rises, you will be protected
And if the sky should fall, there is shelter beneath my wings
I have written your name on my heart
You are mine

When you need me ill come to you
When you are weary ill hold you up
Theres no need for you to worry
Cuz I can never break a promise.

Today's a bad day

2008-10-21T15:29:00.001-05:00

...cuz I don't feel like dancing. =(

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other..."

2008-10-20T15:23:00.003-05:00

The Prayer of Faith

James 5:13-16

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray.
Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.
Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint
him with oil in the name of the Lord.
And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.
If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

It's hard for me to confess my sins to people... not because I'm prideful, but because I don't want people to know how disgusting and deep my sins are. Or perhaps it's just that one sin. I've asked God to take that sin away countless of times, but maybe He doesn't to remind me that I'm a sinner as soon I start to think I'm not; that I'm all good.

Love is Confrontational

2008-10-20T15:18:00.002-05:00

"Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:5-6

"As iron sharpens iron,
so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

I need to confront a friend. pray that I will do it gently and with full of Christ's love.

Job's Song

2008-10-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

I found this randomly in my files...I like.

Job's Song

G D
Been broken, put through the fire,
Em C D G
Felt the heat melt all my strength away.
G D
Felt so lonely, felt so abandoned
Em C D G
"Where is God?" I heard my little voice say.

G D
I need You, I need You,
Em C D G
Oh Lord please hold me next to You.
G D
I need You, I need You,
Em C D G
Oh Lord, don't let me fall from You.

Lord I know this world isn't easy,
And I know that You never promised no pain.
Trials will come and trials will test me,
But help me Lord, it's hard to see them as gain.

I forgot that You're right here beside me,
Let me know that You're with me through the length.
Though I'm weak, Lord, this is my prayer,
Through my weakness, Lord please be my strength.

Dear Child

2008-10-12T22:59:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem during my freshmen year of high school for my Geometry class. The assignment was to write a poem with certain geometry terms (underlined). It didn't have to rhyme and it could be on any topic we wanted. I guess this was what I came up with...

Dear Child,

I am in your presence

Even when you feel I'm at a far distance

I see the tears that flow down your face

When you feel lonely in a captive space

I offer you a love that lasts

A Love that's the same, future, present, and past

A Love that's like an endless line

A Love that is so divine

A Love that later leads to death

Me, hanging on the perpendicular cross, waiting for my last breath

But surely I do not fret

For I know I'll soon be with the Father and rest

I will rise on the third day and the nations will be blessed

Do you see the proof I've given, to prove that I Love you?

So, what is the reason that you can't say, "Lord, I love you, too?"

n00b

2008-10-12T00:21:00.001-05:00

I never blogged before. Mainly because I don't want people to know my thoughts, my struggles, or how "uncool" I am in reality. I guess what I fear most about blogging is that people will judge me.

It's REALLY hard for me to share with people (my sister Carrie can tesitfy to that).

I'm not a writer, neither am I the deepest thinker. My thoughts are so random and my sentences don't fit. Who would wanna read my thoughts? oh well... hopefully somebody.

I admire those who blog. Who have the courage to put themselves out there for others to see, to read.

I guess I'm starting to blog now because I finally found some close friends that I feel I'm not being fair to by not sharing about my own struggles/thoughts with them. (I don't even know if that made any sense). But I also hope in the midst of sharing my struggles, I can share some of my victories, how God is working in my life, and hopefully bring encouragement to anyone who might read it.

My hope: that my daily life is a reflection of God's glory. Whether it be a bad day or good day... that people will see Him at work in me, through me, and around me.

Warning: I don't know how long I will keep up with this Blogging thing and I probably won't be consistent with this (cuz I'm lazy and don't like to sit in front my computer and type), but I'll try my best.