a bridge, I am

I really dont know what this entry is going to be on. i just wanted to write cuz there's a lot on my mind. no time to sort em out. So i apologise before hand for any unclearity.

ride back home was silent
so awkward between my parents
I sat in the back with realization
that I just came home to this messed-up situation

at dinner my dad ate silently
my mom talked unendingly
about what she thinks she knows about Christianity
occasionally, dad jumping in with assumptions and generalizations. futility
often times i have to correct her, correct him
but even more times, I am the bridge between them

a bridge, I am
as i sat between them on the couch
a bridge, I am
as they talked indirectly talk to each other by talking to me
a bridge, I am
after a fight, they just want someone to understand
although they themselves really don't

There are other things in mind too: retreat (still working on that blog), church community, LCG, sins, ninja (the game), pride, loving people, not-caring about people, nutrition, TAF Chicago, my sister.

I told myself I want my blog to be a blessing for other ppl rather than ranting about my own life. but..... maybe next time.

For Me

To tell you the truth, I was gunna to give up bloggin cuz i wasn't gettin any comments for a while. I thought, what's the point if ppl aren't reading? and if they ARE reading, why write if they don't care enough to leave a comment? selfish. i know. but that's just kinda how i am when it comes to blogging. If ppl aint gunna care for it, i'd rather just write in my journal. BUT I think i should do this for me... i guess. it might help me sort out my thoughts through out the yr. or just take up more of my time. still deciding tho...

randoms:

"I guess" has been my favorite phrase these past few days.

I was at a Grace's memorial and and Jeff's mom's funeral this past weekend, and i just can't help but to think about my own death. I'm not being morbid or wutever. but just kinda fun to think about. I really hope there will be a celebration at my memorial, too. with people dancing, jumpin up and down, and singing their hearts out. I'd wanna hear people sing Israel Houghton's "Rejoice!" song at my memorial/funeral while im up there with Jesus. I love that song!

I finally rode?/rid?/past-tense-of-ride? on my scooter around campus today. i love it! it's kinda ghetto cuz the handles are slippin off and its rusty. but it gets me places 3x as fast and is easier to maneuver than a skateboard. except i cant figure out how to fold it. wutever, its fun to be on wheels =) sorry, Inhae ;P

i reallllly want a djeme, or just ANY percussion instrument to play on. Oh dear drums, when will we finally meet??

poems, lyrical, and spoken word? i wanna learn. I love Lauryn Hill. keep writin poems Minhee!

Family... Jesus answers prayers. but still SO MUCH more work to be done. quick update: my parents got into a huge fight last saturday. didnt want to talk to each other, talk about giving up. My Uncle who's been trying to help them communicate came back from Houston called yesterday, told me he's gunna keep helping and encouraging me to support my parents. He went over to my house yesterday and sat down with both of em apparently. I got a call last night from my dad in tears telling me that things are gunna be ok. They talked it out and they're gunna keep trying to mend their relationship. My mom was in tears, too. and so was my uncle. So I have no idea what went down, but I know it's God's mercy and grace every step forward they take. Thank you Lord for providing my Uncle to help share the burden. and thank you for all the people that kept my family and I in their prayers. and for brothers and sisters that are comforting me and encouraging me along the way.

Old School Tunes

Bobby Darin: silly man, legendary

I miss old school tunes man. they're so fun and simple, and lively. Singers back then could improvise on the spot, mess up their own songs to have fun a lil. unlike songs ppl sing written by others now a days and leaving no room for improv even if they do write their own songs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvBtE_Rheho&feature=related

enjoy!

This is Our God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwfHkZOU1_o&feature=PlayList&p=73C72770FBFCD9E7&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=40

Amen.

Emotionally Drained

first thing in the morning i get a call from my sister at 7:30am about family issues, 8am susan calls me and starts telling me wuts been going on, all afternoon talking, praying, listening to susan, now talked for an hour with my dad, and i still gotta write this paper.... im SO drained emotionally.... i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.

not only that, but its been such a roller coaster emotionally. even today. starting the day crying from talking to my sister, hurting for susan. then going to Cityserve, super excited to serve and talk to the women there. instead, i was talking to susan, and hurting even more for her because of wut she's going through. For dinner, i was SUPER excited going out to eat at Sushi parra with yoonsun, peter, minhee, and tia. Then coming back to my dorm, balling as i was talking to my dad. I'm just emotionally drained from today. i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.

God HATES Divorce

What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate, Part 1
Sermon by John Piper

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/135/2209_What_God_Has_Joined_Together_Let_Not_Man_Separate_Part_1/

Mark 10:1-12

The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved.

Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.

FAIL. Mercy. Grace. Thanks.

I just wanna give some quick THANK YOUs to people who brightened my FAIL day even more than the sun did.

Thanks Carrie, for being my older sister. for realz.

Thanks Inhae, for staying up with me and trying to help me when I was super frustrated. seriously, thanks for being there. I'm afraid you'll have to put with more of this next year! ;)

Thanks Minhee, for giving me a hug in the morning. It gave me strength to face my teacher and reassured me things would be alright.

Thanks Stella, for the quick lunch and 5 minute convo.

Thanks Tia, for the quick hug. I love hugs!... well, at least from people I know.. preferably. haha....

Thanks PETER!! for letting me ride your long board and telling me to kick off my heels to skate around. seriously, that made my day! you have no idea. It was quite liberating.

Thanks Yoon Sun, for asking how I was doing. funnily, when you asked me that, I felt really cared for. ^__^

Thanks Min Hee, for getting me to run around outside because you LIED to me! hehe. I'm just playin'. it was fun.

Thanks Hyun Seo, for... being you.

I felt like a failure today. I pretty much was cuz I no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't write my paper due today. I ended up writing an email to my teacher to ask for an extension. The first thing she said to me in class was to stop worrying. I think she could see my frustration and tiredness on my face. but ya, I started to tear up after she said that. its silly, i know. but i couldnt help it. My fate was in her hands. I knew I didnt deserve an extension. I knew what I deserved was an F. Yet, she was so nice about it. She said she'd work with me to get through this. I dont deserve it. I'm a failure. All I could depend on was mercy and grace. sound familiar?

Thanks God, for this illustration of your mercy to me today, and the ULTIMATE grace through Jesus Christ.