It's been a while since my last post. but i've actually started 3 posts since then, but havent finished any of them. It takes me too long and i just give up after attempting to write my thoughts down after 2 hrs, yet producing only one paragraph. I hate it. I wish i was better with my words. I wish i was good at rhyming and writing lyrics that Lauren Hill. I wanna rap. I wanna do Spoken Word. I wanna dance and play the djembe. just need time and practice i guess... and a djembe.
Poem inspired by Seda...
These Clothes on My Back (part 1)
these clothes on my back
hidin the shame, the guilt, the pain
underneath these fig leaves, bare with fear
attempting to hide, even to lie, to deny
the one and only Creator, my Savior
I wear my confession
needing Independence, my misconception
this rag remindin me
this was not how I was meant to be
I dont deserve to wear no other
than these rags, marked by scarlet letter
remindin me, I am a sinner!
symbolized by these clothes on my back
God's been reminding me that I'm not as I think I am. I did not choose Jesus. but he chose me. nothing about me deserves forgiveness. deserves acceptance. deserves rewards. God doesnt owe me anything. Often i forget this because after being a Christian for a while, I start thinking "look God! I'm growing in my faith, I'm learning about you, I'm reading the Bible and praying, I'm serving in the church and trying to love your people, you gotta bless me a lil. you gotta show yourself to me, cuz you know.. i'm.. i'm seeking after you, i'm depending on you. So, God, you gotta do this for me, you gotta do this for my Life Group, you gotta do this and that in our church." Now there's no problem with asking for God to work in people's hearts or bless others and myself. But on what bases? Is it to glorify God or is it because I "did" something for God? my attitude has been more along the lines of the latter, that God owes me something because I gave my life to Him. Writing it out now just makes it sound even more ridiculous. I'm the one that owe God MY life because HE gave HIS life for me. It's a payment I'll never be able to come up with no matter what I do "for him." This is what God's been reminding me with "these clothes on my back."
My youth director's wife has been posting up blogs titled "the necessity of clothing." All I gotta say is... it's all about Jesus. the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the songs we sing, the homework we do, the community we try to build, the longs drives to Evanston, the 6:30am morning prayer, the 7:30pm prayer, the games we played at H-Games, the relationships we invest in.... it's ALLLL about Jesus. it's hard to explain, but when things are put in that perspective, all of those things listed above gains SO much more significance. P. Seth spoke about God's sovereignty last Sunday. and again, it's all about Jesus, God's ultimate glory. I've been reading through the book of John and this passage is from John 17:1-5...
"Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. 2For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. 3Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 4I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. 5And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."
I think Jesus is talking something about his glory if i'm reading correctly. actually in ch. 16 and throughout 17, Jesus talks about God's glory given to Jesus, and how Jesus give His glory to His disciples.
DANG! even as I'm typing this right now the song "Shine" by Matt Redman is playing on Pandora! with lyrics:
We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory."
even as we shared out testimonies this week at LIFE Group, I give him glory for being faithful and sovereign in each of our lives and bringing us all together in the CMW lounge on a Wednesday.
aight. my 2 hrs has passed. I'm goin out for a walk in da city! peace.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
a bridge, I am
I really dont know what this entry is going to be on. i just wanted to write cuz there's a lot on my mind. no time to sort em out. So i apologise before hand for any unclearity.
ride back home was silent
so awkward between my parents
I sat in the back with realization
that I just came home to this messed-up situation
at dinner my dad ate silently
my mom talked unendingly
about what she thinks she knows about Christianity
occasionally, dad jumping in with assumptions and generalizations. futility
often times i have to correct her, correct him
but even more times, I am the bridge between them
a bridge, I am
as i sat between them on the couch
a bridge, I am
as they talked indirectly talk to each other by talking to me
a bridge, I am
after a fight, they just want someone to understand
although they themselves really don't
There are other things in mind too: retreat (still working on that blog), church community, LCG, sins, ninja (the game), pride, loving people, not-caring about people, nutrition, TAF Chicago, my sister.
I told myself I want my blog to be a blessing for other ppl rather than ranting about my own life. but..... maybe next time.
ride back home was silent
so awkward between my parents
I sat in the back with realization
that I just came home to this messed-up situation
at dinner my dad ate silently
my mom talked unendingly
about what she thinks she knows about Christianity
occasionally, dad jumping in with assumptions and generalizations. futility
often times i have to correct her, correct him
but even more times, I am the bridge between them
a bridge, I am
as i sat between them on the couch
a bridge, I am
as they talked indirectly talk to each other by talking to me
a bridge, I am
after a fight, they just want someone to understand
although they themselves really don't
There are other things in mind too: retreat (still working on that blog), church community, LCG, sins, ninja (the game), pride, loving people, not-caring about people, nutrition, TAF Chicago, my sister.
I told myself I want my blog to be a blessing for other ppl rather than ranting about my own life. but..... maybe next time.
Friday, May 22, 2009
For Me
To tell you the truth, I was gunna to give up bloggin cuz i wasn't gettin any comments for a while. I thought, what's the point if ppl aren't reading? and if they ARE reading, why write if they don't care enough to leave a comment? selfish. i know. but that's just kinda how i am when it comes to blogging. If ppl aint gunna care for it, i'd rather just write in my journal. BUT I think i should do this for me... i guess. it might help me sort out my thoughts through out the yr. or just take up more of my time. still deciding tho...
randoms:
"I guess" has been my favorite phrase these past few days.
I was at a Grace's memorial and and Jeff's mom's funeral this past weekend, and i just can't help but to think about my own death. I'm not being morbid or wutever. but just kinda fun to think about. I really hope there will be a celebration at my memorial, too. with people dancing, jumpin up and down, and singing their hearts out. I'd wanna hear people sing Israel Houghton's "Rejoice!" song at my memorial/funeral while im up there with Jesus. I love that song!
I finally rode?/rid?/past-tense-of-ride? on my scooter around campus today. i love it! it's kinda ghetto cuz the handles are slippin off and its rusty. but it gets me places 3x as fast and is easier to maneuver than a skateboard. except i cant figure out how to fold it. wutever, its fun to be on wheels =) sorry, Inhae ;P
i reallllly want a djeme, or just ANY percussion instrument to play on. Oh dear drums, when will we finally meet??
poems, lyrical, and spoken word? i wanna learn. I love Lauryn Hill. keep writin poems Minhee!
Family... Jesus answers prayers. but still SO MUCH more work to be done. quick update: my parents got into a huge fight last saturday. didnt want to talk to each other, talk about giving up. My Uncle who's been trying to help them communicate came back from Houston called yesterday, told me he's gunna keep helping and encouraging me to support my parents. He went over to my house yesterday and sat down with both of em apparently. I got a call last night from my dad in tears telling me that things are gunna be ok. They talked it out and they're gunna keep trying to mend their relationship. My mom was in tears, too. and so was my uncle. So I have no idea what went down, but I know it's God's mercy and grace every step forward they take. Thank you Lord for providing my Uncle to help share the burden. and thank you for all the people that kept my family and I in their prayers. and for brothers and sisters that are comforting me and encouraging me along the way.
randoms:
"I guess" has been my favorite phrase these past few days.
I was at a Grace's memorial and and Jeff's mom's funeral this past weekend, and i just can't help but to think about my own death. I'm not being morbid or wutever. but just kinda fun to think about. I really hope there will be a celebration at my memorial, too. with people dancing, jumpin up and down, and singing their hearts out. I'd wanna hear people sing Israel Houghton's "Rejoice!" song at my memorial/funeral while im up there with Jesus. I love that song!
I finally rode?/rid?/past-tense-of-ride? on my scooter around campus today. i love it! it's kinda ghetto cuz the handles are slippin off and its rusty. but it gets me places 3x as fast and is easier to maneuver than a skateboard. except i cant figure out how to fold it. wutever, its fun to be on wheels =) sorry, Inhae ;P
i reallllly want a djeme, or just ANY percussion instrument to play on. Oh dear drums, when will we finally meet??
poems, lyrical, and spoken word? i wanna learn. I love Lauryn Hill. keep writin poems Minhee!
Family... Jesus answers prayers. but still SO MUCH more work to be done. quick update: my parents got into a huge fight last saturday. didnt want to talk to each other, talk about giving up. My Uncle who's been trying to help them communicate came back from Houston called yesterday, told me he's gunna keep helping and encouraging me to support my parents. He went over to my house yesterday and sat down with both of em apparently. I got a call last night from my dad in tears telling me that things are gunna be ok. They talked it out and they're gunna keep trying to mend their relationship. My mom was in tears, too. and so was my uncle. So I have no idea what went down, but I know it's God's mercy and grace every step forward they take. Thank you Lord for providing my Uncle to help share the burden. and thank you for all the people that kept my family and I in their prayers. and for brothers and sisters that are comforting me and encouraging me along the way.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Old School Tunes
Bobby Darin: silly man, legendary
I miss old school tunes man. they're so fun and simple, and lively. Singers back then could improvise on the spot, mess up their own songs to have fun a lil. unlike songs ppl sing written by others now a days and leaving no room for improv even if they do write their own songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvBtE_Rheho&feature=related
enjoy!
I miss old school tunes man. they're so fun and simple, and lively. Singers back then could improvise on the spot, mess up their own songs to have fun a lil. unlike songs ppl sing written by others now a days and leaving no room for improv even if they do write their own songs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvBtE_Rheho&feature=related
enjoy!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Emotionally Drained
first thing in the morning i get a call from my sister at 7:30am about family issues, 8am susan calls me and starts telling me wuts been going on, all afternoon talking, praying, listening to susan, now talked for an hour with my dad, and i still gotta write this paper.... im SO drained emotionally.... i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.
not only that, but its been such a roller coaster emotionally. even today. starting the day crying from talking to my sister, hurting for susan. then going to Cityserve, super excited to serve and talk to the women there. instead, i was talking to susan, and hurting even more for her because of wut she's going through. For dinner, i was SUPER excited going out to eat at Sushi parra with yoonsun, peter, minhee, and tia. Then coming back to my dorm, balling as i was talking to my dad. I'm just emotionally drained from today. i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.
not only that, but its been such a roller coaster emotionally. even today. starting the day crying from talking to my sister, hurting for susan. then going to Cityserve, super excited to serve and talk to the women there. instead, i was talking to susan, and hurting even more for her because of wut she's going through. For dinner, i was SUPER excited going out to eat at Sushi parra with yoonsun, peter, minhee, and tia. Then coming back to my dorm, balling as i was talking to my dad. I'm just emotionally drained from today. i just want to sleep. but i cant. i still have a paper to write.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
God HATES Divorce
What God Has Joined Together, Let Not Man Separate, Part 1
Sermon by John Piper
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/135/2209_What_God_Has_Joined_Together_Let_Not_Man_Separate_Part_1/
Mark 10:1-12
The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved.
Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.
Sermon by John Piper
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/135/2209_What_God_Has_Joined_Together_Let_Not_Man_Separate_Part_1/
Mark 10:1-12
The radical call of Jesus never to divorce and remarry is a declaration of the gospel by which people who have failed may be saved.
Keep your marriage vows in such a way as to tell the truth about the unbreakable covenant love of Christ.
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