It's been a while since my last post. but i've actually started 3 posts since then, but havent finished any of them. It takes me too long and i just give up after attempting to write my thoughts down after 2 hrs, yet producing only one paragraph. I hate it. I wish i was better with my words. I wish i was good at rhyming and writing lyrics that Lauren Hill. I wanna rap. I wanna do Spoken Word. I wanna dance and play the djembe. just need time and practice i guess... and a djembe.
Poem inspired by Seda...
These Clothes on My Back (part 1)
these clothes on my back
hidin the shame, the guilt, the pain
underneath these fig leaves, bare with fear
attempting to hide, even to lie, to deny
the one and only Creator, my Savior
I wear my confession
needing Independence, my misconception
this rag remindin me
this was not how I was meant to be
I dont deserve to wear no other
than these rags, marked by scarlet letter
remindin me, I am a sinner!
symbolized by these clothes on my back
God's been reminding me that I'm not as I think I am. I did not choose Jesus. but he chose me. nothing about me deserves forgiveness. deserves acceptance. deserves rewards. God doesnt owe me anything. Often i forget this because after being a Christian for a while, I start thinking "look God! I'm growing in my faith, I'm learning about you, I'm reading the Bible and praying, I'm serving in the church and trying to love your people, you gotta bless me a lil. you gotta show yourself to me, cuz you know.. i'm.. i'm seeking after you, i'm depending on you. So, God, you gotta do this for me, you gotta do this for my Life Group, you gotta do this and that in our church." Now there's no problem with asking for God to work in people's hearts or bless others and myself. But on what bases? Is it to glorify God or is it because I "did" something for God? my attitude has been more along the lines of the latter, that God owes me something because I gave my life to Him. Writing it out now just makes it sound even more ridiculous. I'm the one that owe God MY life because HE gave HIS life for me. It's a payment I'll never be able to come up with no matter what I do "for him." This is what God's been reminding me with "these clothes on my back."
My youth director's wife has been posting up blogs titled "the necessity of clothing." All I gotta say is... it's all about Jesus. the clothes we wear, the food we eat, the songs we sing, the homework we do, the community we try to build, the longs drives to Evanston, the 6:30am morning prayer, the 7:30pm prayer, the games we played at H-Games, the relationships we invest in.... it's ALLLL about Jesus. it's hard to explain, but when things are put in that perspective, all of those things listed above gains SO much more significance. P. Seth spoke about God's sovereignty last Sunday. and again, it's all about Jesus, God's ultimate glory. I've been reading through the book of John and this passage is from John 17:1-5...
"Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. 2For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. 3Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 4I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. 5And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."
I think Jesus is talking something about his glory if i'm reading correctly. actually in ch. 16 and throughout 17, Jesus talks about God's glory given to Jesus, and how Jesus give His glory to His disciples.
DANG! even as I'm typing this right now the song "Shine" by Matt Redman is playing on Pandora! with lyrics:
We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We´ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we´ll be living for Your glory."
even as we shared out testimonies this week at LIFE Group, I give him glory for being faithful and sovereign in each of our lives and bringing us all together in the CMW lounge on a Wednesday.
aight. my 2 hrs has passed. I'm goin out for a walk in da city! peace.
