Daydreaming of Street Evangelism

I was daydreaming again today while I was typing up the prayer requests for Australia. I thought back to the day my family went to "The Taste of Chicago" this past summer. At the last intersection of the street right across the entrance to The Taste, a young man was speaking about the second coming of Christ through a speaker phone. I don't remember if he spoke about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, him being the savior, his resurrection, or anything like that. We walked past him like everyone else. but I remember thinking, man, I definitely don't have the courage to do something like that.

Then, I started picturing myself in that guy's shoes. What words would I use? I think I started with (in my daydream) something along the lines of, "What is your purpose in life? What is the meaning of life?" iunno. I think I also shared my own testimony. of how Christ saved me from the penalty of sin and how he wants to save you, too. As I was daydreaming, I felt like I was observing as a third person. you know when you dream sometimes, you're just observing and sometimes you see yourself, but you're not in your body? anyways, that's how I am in a lot of my dreams, and this time was no different. as crowds of people are walking by, looking at me strangely, I couldn't imagine that person was me. it looked like me. I still dint see myself having the courage to do such a thing..... yet. I hope one day, I'll have so much fervor and zeal for the Gospel that I'll be able to street evangelize if God calls me to. but the truth is, I have such little faith. I still care more about my own image, my own respectability than sharing the Gospel often times. there's only been glimpse in my life that I have out myself out there for the Holy Spirit to really use me. My fear, my doubt have gotten in the way many more times. like this past spring break, when I knew I'd see my grandpa for the last time. My fear got in the way of sharing the Good News of Jesus with him. and he past away a few months afterwards. Not knowing Jesus. I still have a hard time forgiving myself for that. even though I know all things happen under His sovereignty. yet, I still trust God, and pray that He will still use me, despite my failure, my lack of faith, my lack of trust in Him. the mind and body is so weak. only God can transform the desires of my heart. praying for radical transformation.